


Maturity Is

by SuzyQSmilesForYou



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: M/M, Sequel, Wendy Wilson/Marcus Specter relationship, slightly AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-02-21
Updated: 2015-04-02
Packaged: 2018-03-14 08:36:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 29,383
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3404102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SuzyQSmilesForYou/pseuds/SuzyQSmilesForYou
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Everybody has to grow up eventually - even Mike Ross. (Full sequel to "Honey Trap".)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. While You Were Out

“Frankly, I think you’re insane.”

“Rene, how long have I been coming to you for suits?” Harvey asked as he inspected the tailor’s latest creation in the mirror. “I just made the big tick over to 4-0; I need to freshen things up a little.”

“That’s exactly the point, Harvey. I haven’t seen your hair this light or wild since you first came in here when you were still in the DA’s office,” Rene remarked disdainfully. “You could have told me about the switch before I got to work on your autumn wardrobe. I selected all the hues in these suits to compliment the slicked-back, dark style you’ve had since then.”

“I didn’t mean to...look, I’m sorry for the trouble, okay?”

“Psh, gotcha!” the older man announced with a guffaw. “Donna gabbed all about it to me the day she made your appointment. She even bet me I couldn’t get a mea culpa out of you.”

Harvey turned his gaze from the looseness of the waistline to the silver-haired figure still clutching his sides beside the stack of gray wool.

“Here I thought we had a good friendship and you’re willing to pawn it off for some of my assistant’s money. So it’s not a problem?”

“I think it’s silly that you’re fretting about your age, but then mid-life crises seem to be all the rage these days.”

“It’s not a mid-life-”

“Harvey, how old am I?”

“...I have no idea, Rene.”

“My point exactly. Just because you’ve rode the Earth for forty trips around the Sun doesn’t mean anyone knows or cares. And you?- you still act like such a kid that it amazes me anyone takes you seriously even now.”

“Says the man who just tricked me into feeling guilty.”

“With you, I consider that a major accomplishment. In any case, I see that I’m going to have to take those trousers in as well,” Rene observed.

“I guess Mike has been keeping you busy,” Marie smirked, pressing a few keys on her tablet. “With all the alterations he’s necessitated, we should really send him a thank-you card.”

“We have gotten a little competitive about our Sunday bike rides,” Harvey admitted, rolling his eyes at her through the reflective surface in front of him. “Which reminds me - do you have the batch of ties he ordered? I want to pick them up while I’m here.”

“Are you sure you can handle carrying that many skinny ties without spontaneously combusting?” Rene’s assistant inquired gleefully. “Give me a minute to dig them out of the heap of boxes in the other room.”

Both the tailor and his customer waited for her to leave before speaking again.

“Now that she’s gone, do you want to tell me the real reason it was so important for you to visit ahead of the usual schedule?”

“I needed some thicker suits?” Harvey offered, exchanging one jacket for another.

“Those kinds of feints won’t work on me, Harvey.”

“I guess not. Rene, do you remember that conversation we had the time before I made junior partner?”

“Vaguely. I recall you trying to force Marcus to come in for a consultation on one of his infrequent return visits...wait, are you thinking about ‘that’?”

“Maybe I am, or maybe I’m not,” Harvey grinned. “Either way, would you to start working on some designs for a new three-piece? I was thinking of something clean and minimalist, but maybe with hints of silver in the waistcoat.”

“It would be my honor, Harvey. Should I assume that this information is not to be shared?”

“Just for the next few days. I’m trying to get all of the preparations done while I have the chance.”

Rene sized Harvey up in the mirror before admitting, “I apologize for my earlier remark - you do seem to have grown a bit more serious over the years. Now while you change into the next set of pants why don’t you tell me about your latest argument with Jessica?”

“What makes you think Jessica and I have a dispute?”

“The sky is still blue and Marie is still a lech.”

Harvey and Rene both snorted, though the lawyer silently prayed the tailor’s assistant hadn’t heard that last bit.

“Oh, and you’re sixty-one - sixty-two on the fifteenth of November,” Harvey informed the other man as he stepped into the changing room. “You need to try harder if you want to stump me.”

\-----

Harold checked the clock on his computer one last time and decided he’d better save his progress and get to the lobby. Things had been a bit precarious in the bullpen, both with Mike’s absence during the week and Louis’ continuously foul mood, but the upshot was that he’d nearly finished prepping a case Harvey had given him. With any luck, he could finish his tour of the office quickly and have all the research on his boss’ desk before he got back from his errands.

“Don’t scare the new girls by being a dork, dork,” Kyle mocked from his cubicle, hurling a balled-up scrap of paper for added effect.

“Kyle, have you still not figured out why the partners don’t want you to talk to female applicants?”

“Because I get them so wet they have to call a janitor to mop up the floor?” he cried, imitating a hand gesture like something from a decade-old rap video. Jeffrey and Devon both hollered their approval.

Harold frequently wondered why Jessica hadn’t fired the lot of them, but then he’d picture them in their seventies still doing grunt work in the associates’ pool. They’d probably still be exchanging fart jokes, too.

“They’d have to call the janitor alright, but only to get you a fresh pair of pants after you jizzed yourself.”

Harvey’s associate rushed to dodge a couple of inbound notepads on his way to the waiting area. He’d long since given up on trying to imitate his boss’ proud stride, but at least he’d absorbed some of the man’s aptitude for quick comebacks.

“You’re here for an interview, too?”

Harold scanned the open space for the source of those words, and caught sight of two women sitting by the window in stiff, formal outfits.

“Yeah, but the guy who asked me to come in is away on vacation.”

“Is he a partner?”

“No, an associate. I think it’s because he’s pretty cute that he gets away with all sorts of stuff like that.”

“Umm, excuse me, ladies,” Harold interrupted. “You’re the candidates here to interview for positions, is that right?”

“Yes,” the woman on the left nodded. “I’m Eunji - one of the applicants for the paralegal spot. Are you Harold?”

“Yup...er, _yes_ , that’s me,” the curly-haired associate nodded, holding out a hand to shake. “And you must be Amy - the one Mike nominated for the executive assistant role, right?”

“You are correct,” she smiled. “But I have to say, you’re not exactly what I expected. The woman on the phone said you were a little...jumpy.”

Harold blanched for a moment as he imagined what other tidbits the receptionists must have passed along.

“I’d like to think that I’ve, uhhh, grown a bit during my time here,” the associate explained, forcing himself not to rub the back of his head as he did so. “Anyway, this is a tad awkward all around. Normally I don’t do this sort of thing, but both of the people who selected you are out of the office at the moment.”

“Wait, Rachel Zane isn’t here either?”

“She will be in a little while, but her class at Columbia doesn’t get out for another twenty minutes, then there’s the subway ride back downtown...but that’s not important. Would you care to follow me?”

The two women collected their bags and followed behind Harold as he tried to think of a way to avoid the bullpen for as long as possible.

“That’s the firm’s library over there on the left. Eunji - am I pronouncing that correct? - assuming you get the job, that’s where you’ll be spending much of your time. Paralegals are allowed to use the upholstered chairs, so it’s pretty cozy now that the weather is getting colder.”

“Associates are restricted about where they can sit?”

“The partner overseeing the associates doesn’t like us getting comfortable...I’ll tell you more about him later,” Harold dodged. “The workroom is on our left - I’m sure Donna will be happy to give you the ins and outs of that place when it becomes necessary.”

“You seem awfully confident that we’ll be selected for these positions, Harold. Is there something you know that we don’t?” Amy pried.

“I remember my first visit here, is all. Besides, it wouldn’t be nice to treat you disdainfully before your interviews, would it?” Harold dodged again, knowing full-well they were both shoe-ins based on who had penciled in time to interview them. “The regular break room is on the right. It’s vegan at the moment, but I’m hopeful that we’ll get our carbs back after the next firm party.”

“Huh?”

“It’s a long story. Now listen carefully, because we’re walking by the offices of some big names. Over there in the corner is my boss, Harvey Specter. Donna Paulsen, his assistant, would normally be at that desk in front, but she’s helping the security guard on the first floor with something.”

“You mean Steve?”

“Good, you’ve already met him, then. Next we have Richard and Carol; Carol’s got the title of Top Billables right now, so a lot of the minor decisions about the office are made by her...with Jessica’s approval, of course.”

“Should I be writing all of this down?” Eunji asked as she gazed through the glass walls.

“If you’re doing things right, you should be able to ignore most of the office politics. Jessica generally likes the paralegals to be above the fray.”

“Duly noted.”

“Okay, now this is the office of Louis Litt - the guy in charge of the associates. You can tell it’s his because of all of the pictures of him and his cat,” Harold commented. “Oh, and this is really important: do NOT bring up the topic of cats around Louis. Don’t even say the words ‘pet’, or ‘furry friend’, or even ‘Fancy Feast’. Got it?”

“Is there-”

“His old cat, Bruno, passed away a little while ago. And after what happened to his new one, Sapphire, well...just don’t bring it up, okay?”

“U-understood,” the women nodded in unison.

“Good. Now Rachel’s office is up next.”

“She has her own office?” Eunji asked, stopping to examine the space.

“You’ll be sharing it with her for the time being...assuming you get the job, that is. Once she has a substitute she’ll be out of here more to fast track her JD, but she can explain it better when she gets here.”

“She told me a little bit when we talked on the phone, but you’d think she would have taken the opportunity to brag about being a paralegal with a room to herself.”

Harold opted to take the high road and leave the issue of Rachel’s pride alone.

“It seems like a lot of people aren’t here,” Amy judged as they moved past the conference rooms.

“Things slow down here during late summer, but now that the leaves are about to change it should pick right up. Don’t get too used to this laid-back atmosphere.”

“The last place I worked was like that, too. I guess things are the same all over.”

“I’m not really sure, since I’ve only worked here,” Harold noted, starting to feel like the least qualified person in the group. “Now this used to be Daniel Hardman’s office, but it’s been an more of an extra meeting room since his departure.”

“Should we not mention that, too?”

“No, I don’t think Jessica will mind if you mention that when she’s interviewing-”

“Wait, Jessica Pearson is the one interviewing us?!”

“I, uhm, well, I didn’t want to freak either of you out earlier. Don’t make a big deal out of it, okay? I don’t know her all that much personally, but I think she wants you to treat it as if she were just someone from HR.”

Harold turned around and caught sight of Eunji hyperventilating and Amy shaking the jitters out of her hands.

“Yeah, that wouldn’t have worked on me, either. We can wait here a bit so you can get yourselves ready.”

“Thanks, I guess,” the prospective paralegal replied as she fixed her sport coat.

“Well, it shouldn’t faze you too much, Amy. After all, you’ll be working for her directly if you’re hired here.”

“What?!”

“Oh jeez, I thought Mike would’ve told you that much at least. Look, I’m really sorry about blowing it here at the end. I think you’re both going to do fine, so just relax and remember to be honest.”

“That’s easy for you to say.”

“Hey, I had to interview with Harvey,” Harold countered, leaving out how much of a nervous wreck he’d been during the most frightening event of his life. “Anyway, I don’t want to make either of you late, so we might as well keep going.”

The two women didn’t seem remotely as confident as they had been a couple minutes earlier, but Harold didn’t know what to say to them beyond what he had already.

“Are these our interviewees, Harold?” Wendy asked from her replacement desk. She carefully rose from her seat and waddled over toward them as best she could.

“Yup, this is Amy Davis and this is Eunji Lee. And this is Wendy Wilson, Jessica Pearson’s assistant.”

“I guess you can figure out why I need someone to fill in for me for a while, huh?” Wendy laughed, her enormous baby bump being impossible to miss.

“ _Wow_. How far along are you?” Amy asked, staring at it unabashedly.

“Thirty-five weeks. You’d think I was closer to the big day, but the doctor says I’m carrying a real lunker.”

“Clearly,” Eunji agreed, eyes wide.

“I even had to swap out my nice desk for this one from the bullpen because I couldn’t sit close enough to type, but I’ll see what I can do to get it back for you while I’m out,” the secretary informed Amy. “But we shouldn’t gab like this while Miss Pearson is waiting. Eunji, you’re up first.”

“O-okay,” candidate nodded, fidgeting with the button of her sport coat again.

“Trust me, you’ll be great,” Wendy beamed. “Just head right in - she’s expecting you.”

“Thanks,” Eunji replied, almost a whisper, as she started for the door of the corner office.

“So, Amy, do you want anything to drink to calm your nerves? I’m just about to grab my lunch from the break room, and I can show you where things are if you’d like.”

“Ooh, what did Marcus make for you today?”

“You know how it works, Harold: I’m not allowed to open up the box until it’s time to eat,” Wendy laughed, signalling for the curly-haired associate and the woman beside him to follow her.

\-----

“Miss Lee, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” Jessica welcomed the woman standing awkwardly in her doorway. “Please, have a seat.”

“Thank you, Miss Pearson. I didn’t expect that you-”

“No, I don’t think that anyone would. But then, I don’t believe I have much in common with the other managing partners in this city; of course, you’ll have to judge that yourself.”

“I suppose so.”

“Though you wouldn’t have many other experiences to compare this place with, would you?”

“It’s true that I only worked at Wakefield-Cady before this, yes, but I feel that I’m highly qualified for a position like this.”

“How many other law firms refused to interview you before me?”

The candidate flinched for a bit, but composed herself fairly quickly.

“I don’t think that’s relevant-”

“The fact that seemingly every other firm in this city has rejected you out of hand isn’t relevant to a job interview with me?” Jessica needled, causing the woman in front of her to crumple again. “That’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t it?”

“Fine, I’ll forego the bullshit. I got sacked from my old job for informing a superior about a partner’s crimes, and my former employer has gone out of its way to ruin my life ever since,” she confessed. “I don’t have enough money to pay rent through the end of the year, and before this I couldn’t even get my foot in the door at a clothing store. Which begs the question-”

“Why did I agree to meet with you?”

“Precisely.”

“Since you spared me the pleasantries, I’ll return the favor. I didn’t call you here because I’m a saint, or because I’m the most honest person in the legal profession. I’m a shark just like the rest of them, but the functional difference is that I’m not so much of an idiot that I’d punish someone loyal to ignore a festering wound.”

“I don’t think my former bosses would call me loyal.”

“But you were - to the firm, at least. That’s what I care about: whether you’ve got the guts to do what’s best for the organization, even if it means going against someone more powerful than you. Your methods were a bit naïve, I’ll admit, but then I didn’t have the knack for that sort of thing when I was starting out, either.”

“So how would you have handled it?”

“If I were a paralegal? I would have compiled an irrefutable mound of evidence before taking it to a name partner. Then I would have threatened to make it all public unless he fixed the problem before the close of business that day. Knowledge is good, proof is better, and a threat is best of all.”

“You are a shark.”

“You don’t make it to the top being a polite little girl,” Jessica affirmed, a murmur of wistfulness lurking beneath the words. “The other reason I called you in here is that what you said earlier about your capability appears to be true. I know that you’ve been in contact with Rachel Zane…”

“Er, yes, that’s right. She’s in the law program at Columbia and she needs a replacement. I must admit, however, that I’m a bit puzzled you aren’t advancing one of the other paralegals.”

“Our other staff in the department...aren’t quite ready to fill her shoes just yet,” Jessica massaged out carefully, picturing Missy Dietler chittering away on the phone with her latest beau. “And Rachel isn’t the first paralegal to switch to the more bombastic side of law, so we constantly need to refresh our talent pool.”

“You’re not considering outsourcing to the Philippines or India like some of the other firms?”

“No, I find that paralegals are a calming agent within the firm. They tend to be more restrained than the egotists in the bullpen, anyway.”

Jessica caught her subject’s small sigh of relief and decided to switch back to formalities.

“So, I want to give you some scenarios to gauge these skills of yours. A partner comes to you late in the night on a Friday with an urgent research request - let me assure you that this will happen much more than you’d like here, too - and the office you need to reach is closed.”

“Well, if the group we need information from has a branch office in Hawaii or Alaska, I’d start there,” Eunji answered confidently. “When that doesn’t work I’ll check if there’s one in Korea; obviously it’d mean me coming in late at night on a Sunday or early on Monday, but that’s better than showing up empty. Then there’s the network of paralegals and assistants...they still talk to me, thankfully.”

Jessica smiled inwardly: it seemed Rachel had some of her own skill for spotting talent.

\-----

Harvey ignored the guys on the sidewalk hawking every kind of counterfeit good imaginable and headed into one of the shops just north of Canal Street. It was cramped and humid, but Ray was sure this place was the best one in the city for what he wanted.

“Can I help you with something?” a slightly bored-looking woman asked from the counter.

“Where are your non-gold pieces?”

“They’re over there, down that aisle,” she fired off quickly, eyes peeled to her phone. She paused a moment before adding, “if you try to steal something, I’ll break your legs.”

“Do I look like someone who would rob a store?”

“I dunno, but con men can clean up just like anyone else.”

Fair enough.

“Could you turn on the lights back there?”

The woman let out an annoyed sigh and trod away from the counter toward the back of the shop. She smacked something in the darkness and a dusty fluorescent bulb lazily flickered to life.

“I’ll go get my uncle to help you,” she notified him, still tapping out texts.

Harvey turned his attention back to the rows and rows of little black velvet boxes and their contents. He had a general idea of what he wanted, but it would take him the rest of the day to even look at each piece. If only he had a certain someone to lend him a hand.

“Hey, boss.”

“Donna!?”

Sure enough, the redhead was standing in the doorway. She even managed to pull off the nonchalant removal of her sunglasses so that she seemed like an even bigger badass than she already was.

“Who else calls you ‘boss’ with a woman’s voice? And don’t make fun of Harold - he’s way more masculine than he was when you hired him.”

“That’s not the- how the hell did you find me?”

“You moved up your appointment with Rene to a time when Mike was out of town, and you had a ten-minute conversation with Ray after work the other day. Where else would you be but here?”

“That doesn’t make any sense. You can’t just jump from two random events to a pinpoint on a map.”

“Look, do you want my help picking out a ring or not?”

“I came up with a plan on my own, but it wouldn’t mind getting a second opinion once I’ve found what I’m looking for.”

Donna eyed him warily.

“What? You think I couldn’t figure out something simple like this on my own?”

“Let’s hear it - this great idea you came up with on your own. What are you getting for Mike?”

Shit, she called him on his bluff. Nowhere to go but onward.

“Well, as you can tell, I’m a store that only sells bands, not diamonds. I figure that neither Mike nor I are really interested in some big flashy rock-”

“Because you’re both Philistines, but go on.”

“-so I’d just stick with the simplest possibility.”

“That’s actually not as bad a plan as I expected. Now what are you doing in the section of the store with all the non-standard metals?”

“I was thinking about getting silver rings instead of gold as a way to symbolize how unconventional our relationship is.”

Donna walked over to him with a smile on her face, only to try patting him on the head like he was a blubbering idiot. She should have known better, though: nobody touched Harvey’s hair.

“Do you have any idea how fast silver tarnishes, Harvey?”

“You just need to polish it and-”

“Harvey, this is Mike we’re talking about. Do you really expect him to polish the wedding band you bought him every day after getting home from the office?”

“Okay, I think ‘every day’ would be pushing it a little.”

“Hush, jewelry novice,” she warned him. “How do you think Mike would feel about you if you forced him to polish silver every day for the rest of his life?”

“Again, your argument is a wee bit hyperbolic.”

“Now, now, this won’t do at all,” an elderly man cried from the next room. “We can’t have the happy couple descending into chaos over a ring.”

“What?” both Harvey and Donna asked simultaneously.

“There’s no need to worry, you two. In fact, it’s become quite common for future brides to accompany their boyfriends for this most important step. I myself think it’s quite pragmatic; after all, nobody wants to be rejected just because they purchased the wrong ring.”

“We’re not-”

“-getting married,” Donna finished for him.

“You’re not?”

“No, she’s my executive assistant.”

“He’s picking out a ring for his boyfriend who’s out of town this week.”

“My goodness, and here I thought you looked like a wonderful couple yourselves,” the man confessed. “In any case, you came to the right place to buy a ring. My name is Rajib, and I’ll be happy to help you with anything at all. Did you have any ideas yourself?”

“I _did_ ,” Harvey remarked irritably, turning to his companion.

“What do you have in white gold, Rajib?”

“Wait, why not platinum?” Harvey cut in.

Donna and the elderly man locked eyes and exchanged looks of mild disappointment.

“Platinum is brittle and scratches easily. You’d only want to use that for the setting if you were going to have a diamond.”

“Your assistant clearly knows what she is talking about. Say, what kind of man is your boyfriend?”

“What’s a good antonym for ‘fastidious’?” Donna pondered aloud. “Uncouth? Yeah, that’s probably close enough.”

“Hey, could you not insult Mike when he isn’t even here to defend himself?” Harvey grumbled. “Although he is a bit messy, and he’s not the type who’d take off his ring when washing dishes or the like.”

“A real rugged man’s man, huh?” Rajib asked, unlocking a glass case.

“Er, not exactly,” Donna corrected him lightly. “He’s more like a puppy. Cute and helpful, but barely able to address his own needs.”

Harvey leered at her, although she wasn’t that far off.

“In that case, we’ll want to stick with nickel alloys - those are generally tough enough to survive even the worst of klutzes. Now, what’s the ring size of this lucky man?”

“Hold on a moment...I know I typed that into my phone somewhere-”

“He’s a size eight,” Donna informed them both, “which is actually rather amazing considering how dainty his body is otherwise. Oh, and Harvey here is a size ten.”

“You’re a very lucky man,” Rajib commented. “I might just be able to send you out of here with them today.”

“How do you know our ring sizes?”

“Because I’m Donna.”

“Again, that doesn’t answer my-”

“You have a client meeting at one, so if you want to be ready for Friday we’ll need to hurry. That’s when you plan on dropping the bomb, right?”

“...I think I’m going to replace you with someone who respects my privacy.”

\-----

“And that about sums up the responsibilities you’ll have here,” Wendy concluded, closing the binder of tips and information she’d made for her substitute.

“Just to make sure: you are going to be here for the next week to help me get the hang of things, right?” Amy asked, noticeably panicked. “Because while I’m sure your guide is conclusive, that was a lot to take in.”

“Don’t worry. If Wendy had her way, she’d be here until the first pangs of labor,” Jessica explained dryly, “but I’ve asked Steve to prevent her from coming in after next week. And while we’re planning on setting up the necessary tech to allow her to work from home during her maternity leave, I’ve maxed that out at one hour per day.”

“I’m going to be bored out of my mind.”

“You’re going to sleep deprived, emotionally drained, and on your last nerve around the clock; you just don’t know it yet.”

“We’ll see. If that’s all, I need to go talk to Louis about our case.”

“I still can’t believe you’re actually helping him with that ridiculous nonsense,” Jessica judged. “It would be one thing if it were Donna egging him on, but you? Nothing explains it except some weird, rewired pregnancy crazy.”

“I’m doing it for the cat, not him.”

“It’s still nuts.”

Jessica ignored her assistant’s parting side-eye and returned her attention to the other new hire of the day.

“As you can see, I’m willing to brook some dissent, provided I can trust you to get the basics out of the way.”

“I just hope she doesn’t think that I’m here to replace her permanently,” Amy worried. “I mean, she looks like she might topple over.”

“She’s got nothing to fret about career-wise, although you can’t blame her with the way most companies treat maternity leave.”

“So that means...?”

“No. If I only wanted someone to fill in for her, I would have drawn a name from the temp pool. And if that were the case, I wouldn’t have subjected you to a full-length interview.”

“I’m confused.”

“Miss Davis, I’m not ready to disclose all the details at this point, but I want you to know that should things go well during the next few months you won’t need to worry about finding a long-term position,” Jessica hinted. “In truth, I’ve been looking for the right person for a while now, and the fact that Mike Ross likes you suggests to me that you have the right personality for the job.”

“You have that much faith in your associate?”

“It’s not faith...more like _understanding_. Mike seems complicated, but his motivations are fairly obvious.”

“He does seem pretty earnest for a corporate lawyer, but then I shouldn’t trash him when he got me this job,” Amy scolded herself. “One last question, and this is probably the most important one: where should I get your coffee?”

“There’s a place over in the building across the stre-”

“WE’VE GOT HIM! WE’VE GOT THE BASTARD!” a voice bellowed from outside the office.

“Watch and learn,” Jessica commanded, rising from her seat to find the culprit. Amy followed behind as they made their way to Louis’ office. “Would you care to use your indoor voice, Louis? I realize it’s a slow day, but there are other people trying to get some work done.”

“Jessica, who’s got the highest billables?” the junior partner retorted, still clutching a document like it was manna from heaven. Wendy simply shook her head while Rachel whispered something to Eunji in the corner of his office.

“This year or last?”

“Carol’s reign of terror will end - mark my words.”

“Be that as it may, if this outburst means that you’re almost done with your preposterous civil suit, then I’m happy. However,” Jessica warned, “I’d be happier still if you got back to focusing on your clients’ needs.”

“Don’t worry. That bastard thought he could get away with assaulting my sweet Sapphire, but once I’ve pulled this he’ll be ruined.”

“Are you still going on about that cat?”

Jessica turned. Standing in the doorway was a certain smirking senior partner.

“You will not refer to Sapphire merely as ‘that cat’, Harvey!” Louis howled, banging his fist on the table. “She deserves respect!”

“This office isn’t big enough for all of us,” Amy announced hurriedly. “Wendy, I think I remember you saying that Miss Pearson had something she needed to discuss with Mister Specter. And Rachel, Harold told me he was waiting on something from you.”

Mike was getting a reward when he got back.

“Louis, I’m going to call one of your clients at random sometime next week. If you haven’t done something for him in the last month, there’ll be a pro bono in you very near future,” Jessica promised as she motioned for Harvey to walk with her. “Harvey, it’s nice of you to show up. Was there some point to your absence this morning, or were you just goofing off?”

“I got John Henderson to move over from Rand, Kaldor & Zane.”

“Considering Kaldor lost him five million in that settlement, it probably took half an hour.”

“Twenty-two minutes flat,” he grinned back at her.

“So then you were playing with your hair the rest of the time?”

“Why does everyone have to make a comment about my hair? Nobody ever makes a big deal out of Wendy going from curly to straight or back again.”

“I hope this doesn’t come as a surprise to you, but your sensitivity about your appearance is an open secret among the city’s partners,” Jessica smirked this time. “Do you know how many jokes Robert Zane cracks about your gelled do at the Harvard get-togethers?”

“And you laugh at them, don’t you?”

“I plead the fifth.”

“I see you didn’t choose to go with Cameron to fill in for Wendy.”

“I choose not to comment on that either, though for that temp’s sake.”

“How magnanimous of you. What did you want to talk to me about?” Harvey asked, holding the door to his office open for her.

Jessica motioned toward Donna’s desk, but Harvey shook his head.

“Fine. I’m here for the same reason I’ve been coming here this past month. I want to put your name on the door-”

“Which I’m fine with.”

“-in return for you making Louis senior partner.”

“And I’ve told you twice already that I’m not doing that.”

The managing partner caught Donna peeking into her boss’ office, but decided to ignore it for the moment.

“He’s earned it, Harvey. That case three months ago?- he’s paid the firm’s bills through the middle of next year, _at least_.”

“So you make him senior partner.”

“It would be more valuable to the cohesiveness of the firm if you were the one to do it. We both know that he’s not going to take your promotion well unless he gets some kind of distinction.”

“He’s earned a promotion, Jessica, not another move on the chessboard you keep in your office. If I’m the one to raise him up, it’ll look like I’m trying to buy his loyalty. Or worse, that I’m bribing him to stop him from blocking my own move upwards.”

“A promotion is a promotion, Harvey.”

“Really? If Hardman had made me junior partner to try and turn me against you, you wouldn’t have held that against me for the rest of my time at the firm?”

Jessica paused to admire how far the man in front of her had come under her tutelage.

“I’m running out of patience for these adolescent games, Harvey. If you’re not willing to fulfill the one tiny request I need to make you my partner, then I’ll go to someone else with the offer.”

“Is than an ultimatum? You know I eat those for breakfast.”

“And here I guessed you were eating your boyfriend’s Cheerios because you miss him.”

Harvey glared at her as he sat down at his desk.

“That was a low blow, Jessica.”

“That’s the price you pay for swanning around about town all morning,” she informed him, opening the door to his office. “But Harvey, I meant what I said. If you can’t get over your pride enough to do a favor for me, then I’m not going to promote you - I don’t need another Daniel Hardman in my life thinking only of himself.”

\-----

“Harvey-”

“Not now, Donna.”

“Harvey, getting your name on the door is the thing you’ve wanted most since you first went to law school. Hell, short of pitching in game seven of the World Series, it’s the thing you’ve wanted most in your life,” the senior partner’s assistant reminded him as she helped herself to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

“I know that.”

“So why are you being so stubborn about this?”

Donna waited for a reply, and just as her boss was on the cusp of saying something, he spun around in his chair.

“Despite what everyone thinks, I do respect Louis.”

“And what part of making him senior partner is disrespectful?”

“Jessica is the one who needs to do that.”

“Really? Does it truly matter that much who gives him his promotion? If it were me, I’d suck it up and give it to him.”

“But you’re not me, Donna. Look, I’m grateful for you input, but this is something that only lawyers would get,” Harvey began, spinning back to face her. “When Jessica made me senior partner, it was proof of her trust in me. But Louis? Louis was brought in here by Hardman, and as a result he’s always felt like an outsider. If Jessica isn’t the one to raise him up, he’ll always have to wonder what she thinks of him.”

“That...was actually quite...touching,” Donna admired. “Where’s the real Harvey Specter? Are you the third brother they kept locked in the basement?”

Harvey narrowed his gaze at her and once again blocked her attempt to touch his hair.

“Y’know, I didn’t get a chance to ask you earlier...I mean, you helped me pick out the rings, but…”

“Are you asking me about what I think of you proposing?”

“It’s just uncharacteristic of you to remain silent about a decision I’ve made is all.”

“Even I have manners about some things, Harvey.”

Harvey erupted into a fit of near-giggles, nearly toppling out of his chair.

“Who are you trying to kid, Donna?”

“Ugh, and here I was going to tell you how sweet what you’ve done in the past week has been. I mean, going to Edith for her permission? That’s definitely a ‘gentleman’ thing, but I never would’ve thought you’d actually do it.”

“I am a gentleman.”

“Yeah, okay. Says the man who just smacked the little kid opposing counsel into folding his lawsuit at a meeting less than an hour ago.”

Harvey rolled his eyes as he flicked the pages of a folder.

“But you’re behind me? About getting hitched?”

“It’s the second best decision you’ve ever made,” Donna praised as she went for the door.

“After hiring you to be my secretary, right?”

“Bingo. Hey boss, since we’re such good pals, can I get next Wednesday off?”

“No.”

“Then forget every nice thing I just said,” Donna ordered. “And you’re still a little girl about your hair.”

“You know full well you’re getting to sign out early and have a free dinner Friday, so quit being petulant and go grab Harold for me.”

Donna started for the bullpen, promising herself she’d find the opportunity to mess with her boss’ new hairdo at least once before Mike got back.

\-----

Harvey was in the process of grabbing a beer from the fridge when his phone rang. Only one person would dare to call him during a Yankees game (even Jessica hadn’t tried it...yet), so he instinctively rushed to pick it up.

“Hey, stud! I’m not interrupting an important play, am I?”

“No, you lucked out: it’s the seventh inning stretch. And what stretch, might I ask, are you on?”

“We just reached our campsite outside Ventura for the night, so I’m line to get some grub. Tomorrow’s only sixty miles; the veterans say we should make it to LA in time for me to go to some of the parties before I have to call it a night for my flight back.”

“How are your quads? Are they aching as bad as they were yesterday?” Harvey asked as he plopped down on the couch and lowered the volume on the television.

“They’re still pretty upset with me, but I’ll be fine.”

“Any hot guys?”

“There are a few, but there’s this one guy I’m really crushing on bad.”

“Oh? Describe him for me.”

“That’s a tough one,” Mike laughed. “I’ve only heard his voice over the phone, but he sounds pretty damn sexy. I hear he’s into litigating, boxing, and generally being _awesome_.”

“Careful. I’m not going to be able to get my head in the back of Ray’s car tomorrow,” Harvey chided, though he loved the ego boost. “I’m a bit worried I’m not going to recognize you when I pick you up from the airport. Have you been using the sunblock I got you?”

“Religiously, but I’m still bronzing. How are things at the office?”

“Jessica’s new hires showed up for their final interviews today. I haven’t run the numbers, but I think we might be a female majority firm now.”

“Uh oh, I guess that means we’ll need to keep Kyle muzzled around the clock unless we want a sexual harassment lawsuit.”

“You joke, but that might actually happen. Donna caught him telling one of them that he’s a big fan of haikus.”

“Wait, I don’t see how that’s offensive.”

“She’s Korean.”

“Oh. Oh shit.”

“Then he asked her if he could take her out for dim sum.”

“Please tell me that-”

“Rachel gave him a bruise on his cheek the size of a pomegranate.”

“Darn. All the interesting stuff happens when I’m out of town,” Mike groaned over the sound of someone apologizing for the shortage of barbecue sauce. “You haven’t gone and done something major while I’m away, have you?”

“Huh? Me? As if you have to ask.”

“That wasn’t exactly an answer there, dude.”

“Just hurry up and get home, idiot,” Harvey blocked. “With Harold stuck working late on a pro bono with Rachel and one of the partners in Wills & Trusts, I’ve had to go to two client events stag.”

“Oh, boo hoo, Harvey. You get free champagne and you’re still whining?”

“I can afford champagne if I want it that badly. These parties are only ever interesting if you’re there with me.”

“Can I put that last bit on my resume?”

“The resume with your fake degree?” Harvey whispered.

“...Touché,” Mike conceded. “Hey, look, my stomach is gonna mutiny unless I chow down, so-”

“You’ve biked 480-something miles in the past six days, babe. Don’t worry about it.”

“Thanks, Harvey. Keep your eyes peeled for a couple of photos I took with Tyson along the route,” Mike informed before their conversation was interrupted by a clamor of male voices calling for Mike to sit with them. “Goodnight, Harvey. I love you.”

“Love you, too, Mike. I know you’re going to kill it on the last leg tomorrow.”

Harvey didn’t return to the game immediately after hanging up, but laid back and stared up at the ceiling. He still wasn’t sure if Mike was ready to take the plunge into matrimony, but the way he felt every time he so much as spoke with the blond was proof he needed to pop the question.

Actually working up the nerves to do so in front of a bunch other people was going to be another matter, however.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so it's begun, my wonderful readers. This isn't going to be as long as Honey Trap (I hope), but it also won't be as heavily regulated. That means that the chapters will vary more in length and they probably won't come out once a week on the dot...ah well - take what you can get, right?
> 
> Anyway, I hope you enjoy the ride!


	2. Promises and a Proposal

“Hey, Mike! It’s good to have you back,” Ray announced as Mike exited the terminal.

“I’ve only been gone a week, Ray-”

Without warning, the backseat of the towncar opened and an energetic little girl bolted toward Mike.

“Mariam, I told you not to run around here!” Ray scolded his daughter as she seemingly tried to hug the blood out of Mike’s legs. “You could trip and fall, and it’s dangerous with all these moving vehicles.”

“But dad~dy, I miss Mister Mike even more than you!” she cried, squeezing said blond tighter. “Plus, he promised me that I’d get to see Tyson.”

“Not if you misbehave,” the driver warned.

“Okay, I’ll be good,” she promised, nodding her head vigorously. “Can I help you with your suitcase, Mister Mike? Daddy said you cycled a lot while you were gone; did you use one of those car’s-on-fire ones?”

“Carbon-fibre,” Mike corrected. “But I used a steel one because it’s more reliable – here, you can pull on the straps of the bag and see how much it weighs.”

“It’s heavy!” she exclaimed. “You can carry that to the car yourself.”

Mike grinned and patted her on the head.

“Y’know, you guys didn’t have to come out to pick me up. I could’ve just grabbed a cab back into town.”

“Nope,” Ray stated flatly, popping the trunk. “Harvey was very insistent that I be here to collect you. He’s made reservations at a restaurant for dinner, and he doesn’t want to risk you getting to the office late. I’m to take you straight there and then drop your stuff off at the condo.”

“And I’m here to help daddy complete his mission,” Mariam informed, posing like a superhero. “There’s no time to lose!”

“Well, actually sweetie, we have a pretty decent cushion-”

“No time to lose, daddy!” she repeated, climbing back into the car and her booster seat.

“I have a feeling I know what people are going to comment about when they see you,” Ray whispered as Mike extracted Tyson from his backpack.

“Okay, I know I should have packed some extra clothes, but can you really tell that I wore this shirt once already?”

Ray stifled a laugh, shook his head, and made for the driver’s seat as Mike swung around and hopped in the back alongside the driver’s daughter.

“Tyson!”

“Yup, and he even did some cycling himself!”

“Mister Mike, don’t be ridiculous. Pandas aren’t actually bears – they don’t ride bicycles.”

“Wait, what?”

“Family trip to the circus,” Ray explained as he assisted Mariam with her seatbelt. “A future macro-biologist needs to learn all the talents that animals possess.”

“Yup yup.”

“Oh, well I have some pictures of him, but I guess since it’s impossible…”

“Show us!” Mariam pleaded, Tyson nodding in agreement with the aid of her hands.

“Okay, well we started out in San Francisco, so here’s a shot of Tyson by the Golden Gate Bridge.”

“A bridge made out of gold? Who would be that ex-tra-va-ma-gunt? Was it Louis?”

“Extravagant,” Ray corrected this time, starting the engine.

“It’s just named after the body of water it crosses,” Mike explained, though he had to admit she’d nailed the junior partner’s biggest vice. “But did you know that the crew never stops working on it? They always have to touch-up the paint and replace the rivets and bolts or else it’ll break down.”

“Why not build it out of marshmallows instead?”

Mike stared at her, wondering if Harvey had lent the Benghazi family his copy of Ghostbusters.

“There are some in our kitchen that are older than me, but daddy still hasn’t thrown them out yet.”

“Remind me to do that when we get home, sweetie,” Ray requested, slyly adjusting the radio to shift the topic of conversation.

\-----

“Steve, I can’t diagnose that. You need to go see your GP.”

“You can’t even tell me that I’m just worrying about nothing, Marcus?” the security guard pressed the doctor.

“I’m not getting dragged into that quagmire, but I can tell you that it’s definitely not dengue. There, happy?”

Steve sighed in frustration, but something caught his gaze before he could give a full reply.

“What’s up, Steve?”

“Weren’t you supposed to be gone until Monday, Mike?” the guard asked, flicking the side of his head. “I know you associates never stop working, but I figured you’d at least know to switch off your phone while you’re away.”

“Harvey and I are supposed to…hold up, why are you here, Marcus?”

“There’s a fancy restaurant and my brother is paying; if you thought I wouldn’t worm my way into it, then you don’t me at all, Mike,” the blond Specter smirked. “Now hurry up, would you? I had my lunch early, and I’m sure Wendy is starving, too.”

“Everybody’s in a rush here. I should have stayed out in Cali,” Mike lamented, flashing his ID badge at Steve just for the hell of it. The guard rolled his eyes but waved him along.

“Too bad nobody pays you to ride your bike.”

“Not anymore,” Mike noted as he and Marcus stepped into an open elevator. “How are you doing?”

“Disgustingly busy. But on the plus side, Wendy’s pregnancy cravings are forcing me to learn how to cook all sorts of stuff.”

“And here Harvey thought you were nothing but a fire hazard in the kitchen.”

“Har Har had better watch out. If he tries to get competitive and out-chef me, he’s going to eat crow after seeing my crazy mad crème brûlée skills.”

“They should put that phrase on your tombstone.”

“Should I die before Harvey, I’ll be lucky to get anything better than ‘lovable pest’.”

Mike and Marcus smirked at each other as they imagined all the worse options Harvey might use instead.

“Is that a stain on your shirt?”

“No, it’s just the pattern,” Mike replied, though Marcus had his doubts.

A chorus of “Pearson Law Firm, how may I help you?” gushed forth once the doors opened at the desired floor, though the men’s immediate attention was drawn to the two women in the elevator bank.

“IT is two floors down. The guy in charge there is a little temperamental, but just tell him that you’re friends with Mike and he should…speak of the devil,” Donna remarked, catching sight of Marcus and the man beside him. “And not just figuratively; Jesus, who ordered the porn star?”

“Harvey’s reaction when they see each other is going to be gold,” Marcus assented. “Who’s the new employee?”

“That’s Amy. I met her when Jessica sent me out to gauge a potential client,” Mike supplied.

“And then you stranded me here when I first showed up and left me to face Jessica Pearson by myself,” the assistant jabbed. “I thought we were friends.”

“Hey, I fought to get you considered in the first place!”

“Without even telling me who I’d be working with.”

“Does it really matter that much? I mean, the only thing that changes from person to person is how much mail they get.”

“We can settle all of these disputes when we have lunch together,” Donna interceded. “Right now you need to get your digital account finalized, and you need to see Jessica and then Harvey. Remember, Amy, it’s just ‘Benjamin’, not ‘Ben’.”

“Unlike some people, you don’t need to worry about me.”

Amy rolled her eyes as she slipped past Marcus and her soon-to-be colleague, causing the blond Specter to chuckle. Mike had the worst luck with women.

“Alright, I need to get back to Harvey and make sure he doesn’t catch sight of you until the time is right.”

“We’re not grooms at a wedding, Donna,” Mike objected sarcastically.

Marcus and Donna locked eyes, trying their best not to blurt out the surprise. Totally oblivious, Mike started in the direction of his boss’ office, leaving the doctor to follow behind.

“Hey, honey!” Marcus cried as he approached Wendy’s desk. “How awesome was the pesto I whipped up this morning?”

“If you’d held off on the self-congratulations for one minute, I might have told you how much I liked it,” the assistant lightly remonstrated him, grinning. “And Mike, I hate how good you look right now.”

“You’re free to come with if I ever do that route again.”

“Hell no. Now get in there – Jessica is curious about this big surprise you’ve got for her.”

“Will do, boss lady,” he answered with a salute.

“So, are you ready to blow this joint yet?” Marcus asked once the other man had left.

“Not quite; I still have to prep a few more pieces of snail mail,” Wendy admitted. “If you really want to make yourself useful, lick some stamps for me.”

“I’m just your stamp licker now?”

“…Yes.”

“That’s awfully cruel to say to the father of your child who’s made you breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past eight months.”

“Enough sass mouth, stamp boy,” Wendy reproached Marcus, smacking him on the forehead with a book of the forty-nine cent pieces.

\-----

Harvey knocked on the heavy door gently, causing the room’s occupant to turn from her chair by the television.

“Harvey, what an unexpected surprise,” Edith smiled.

“I figured you’d need someone to escort you and the gals to church since Mike is away.”

“How kind of you, but I’m afraid you’ve come on the wrong Sunday.”

“Hmm?”

Edith tilted her head and pointed to the side of the bed where a walker stood at the ready. Harvey glanced over the woman’s form and couldn’t find any injuries, but-

“Oh no, I didn’t actually fall. It’s all rather silly, really,” she assured. “Do come in.”

“Did one of the nurses decide you needed that?”

“They bumped up my dosage, but the darned medicine causes drowsiness. Still, there’s no real cure for my condition, so it’s either nod off or check out entirely.”

“You’re not…?”

“ _No_ ,” Edith repeated. “I’m going to be absolutely fine. I’m just a little self-conscious about how I’ll behave until I get used to the new prescription, so I’m watching the service from here in my room.”

“I’m afraid that’s not the case,” Harvey risked, pushing the walker towards her. “Edith and Rebecca grabbed me on my way in here and promised me that I’d get you over to the church with them, and I always keep my promises.”

“The first time you come here on your own, and you’re already issuing orders?”

“How do you think I became senior partner?”

Edith narrowed her gaze but started to rise, shakily at first but more confidently once she was on her feet.

“You think, ‘now I’m an adult and I don’t have to care about what others think’, but it never really changes all that much. I hate the way people look at you when you’re pushing a walker – it’s like they’re just waiting for you to collapse so you’ll stop holding them up. And the kicker is, I used to be the other person.”

“That’s why you’ve got me. All anybody passing by us will think is some variation of ‘look at that smug bastard’.”

“Watch the language, mister,” Edith warned, pushing her arm through the strap of her purse.

“Sorry, Edith.”

They walked in silence to the nurses’ station, where Harvey filled out the sign-out sheet for her. She’d never admit it, but it seemed she was glad to have an excuse to get out of the building.

“So Millie and Becca only made you drag me to service as you were already walking in here, is that right?”

“What’s your real question, Edith?”

“Did Mike ask you to stop by, or did you have an ulterior motive for seeing me in his absence?”

“You don’t need to worry about your mental faculties failing you, that’s for sure.”

“Spare me the flattery and hurry up with an actual answer, mister,” Edith commanded. She issued her request just as they came to an intersection; she’d probably timed it that way.

“I’d like your permission to…I want…I want to marry your grandson.”

“And you thought one visit would make up for all the times Mike came to see me by himself while you slept in?”

“I- hey, I’ve taken the three of us out for dinner more times than I can count, and-”

“I was just pulling your leg, Harvey,” Edith grinned. “Of course I don’t have any objections to you being the one to marry him. The Church wouldn’t agree, naturally, but those old fuddy-duddies really ought to stop butting their heads into things that don’t involve them.”

“That’s awfully bold of a devout worshipper to say.”

“Hardly. Anyone who thinks lifelong virgins have the right to judge relationships needs to have his head examined.”

It was times like this when Harvey was envious of Mike for having such a firecracker for a grandmother.

“Still, we should talk about the elephant in the room, shouldn’t we?”

“Mike’s…job status?”

Edith turned her head and nodded once they’d reached the curb on the other side.

“Are you prepared for what could happen if he’s discovered?”

“I’m not going to let that happen.”

“Harvey, I know my grandson better than anyone,” Edith observed needlessly. “He’s never been able to keep anything from me.”

“Few people are as wise as you.”

“Eventually it _will_ leak out, and there’s no telling how things could end up.”

“I’ll stand by him.”

“That’s awfully romantic of you, but he’s not the one I’m most worried about, Harvey,” she revealed, panting slightly in the late summer heat. “How will you manage if he gets seven years behind bars and you can’t see him except for the weekends? I know the schedule you lawyers keep.”

“Loyalty is the quality I most value, Edith; I’d be there every Saturday and Sunday.”

“What if he they interrogate the truth out of him – would you be able to refute him to save your firm? What would the loyal action be in that case?”

Harvey sighed. Edith was right: he didn’t have a clue what he’d do if things unraveled.

He wasn’t even sure if Jessica had a plan.

“I can’t predict the future, but if I’m still breathing and he’s in trouble, I’ll fight for him. I promise you that.”

“And even if I’m gone, I’ll hold you to that oath,” Edith added as the church came into eyesight. “Well, you’ve dragged a senior citizen out of her bedroom on a Sunday morning. Will you at least do us the favor of sticking around for brunch afterward?”

“Sure thing, Edith.”

“Good. I’m sure Millie will like that.”

“Millie? Aren’t you referring to yourself?”

“It seems I won’t have to worry about you diluting the Ross clan’s famous wit,” she beamed.

“ _Harvey. Harvey!_ ”

Harvey looked up from his notes on a contract negotiation to the intercom, and then to his secretary. She was staring at him through the glass wall, an amused smirk on her face.

“I’d have thought this would be the day you’d be least likely to zone out,” she scolded him. “Anyway, Mike is here-”

“Is he at his desk?” Harvey asked, rising from his seat.

“No, no, no. He needs to speak to Jessica first, so you can just finish up whatever work you have left for the week. I’ll buzz you when he starts down the hallway, okay?”

“Thanks, Donna. And could you not shout in my ear next time?”

“Were you thinking of all the things you’d like to do to him tonight?”

“No, I wasn’t,” Harvey denied honestly. “And it should go without saying, but you’d better not, either.”

\-----

“How is my associate doing?”

“I’m great. And I’m…uhhh…ready to hid the ground running on Monday?”

Jessica quirked an eyebrow and tried to not let the usually pale blond’s sun-drenched appearance faze her.

“That might’ve sounded half-way convincing coming from anybody else, but you?” she jabbed. “I’ll save you the distress of showing the backlog I have for you, but I will admit I’m mildly interested in this surprise you talked about in your email.”

“Don’t try to play nonchalant with me, Jessica. You’re totally chomping at the bit.”

“Fine, but if it’s a gangrenous gash you got falling off your bike or anything similarly disgusting, you can save it for Harvey.”

“I got the firm a new client!” Mike thundered proudly.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, the CEO of Behemoth Bikes was there, too, and we got to strike up a conversation. Apparently, he’s looking to expand operations and needs someone to oversee the East Coast side of the business, so I told him to give you a call once I got back.”

“In that case, you’ve brought in several new clients.”

“Huh?”

“What, you thought I’d just give you a week off because I was feeling nice?”

“I’m confused. Am I supposed to assume that you’re a self-interested uber capitalist now?”

“No, but you could at least acknowledge that I’m cunning,” she requested, dumping another stack of documents into her ‘Outbound’ tray. “Getting to boast about one of our associates riding the AIDS/Lifecycle event got a number of LGBT clients to inquire about switching their representation.”

“You used me to increase our revenue?”

“Isn’t that what I do all the time?”

“Yeah, but-”

“And I got the partners to make donations toward your fundraising, so it balances out,” Jessica judged. “You have no idea how hard it is to get them to part with even a single dime.”

“Actually, I do. Remember when you tried to get me to guilt-trip Richard into taking a pro bono in April?”

“Ahh, yes, that was quite amusing. As was the phone call I got from Batman.”

“Holdup. Why did Bruce call you?”

“You actually asked him for permission to bill him for the meeting the two of you had in San Francisco?” Jessica pried. “Good lord, Mike. Your act is slipping – no lawyer would be that polite about collecting a paycheck.”

“He’s my only real client, Jessica.”

“Let me put this in terms you might understand: Louis is an elephant, Harvey’s a lion, and you’re an adorable little rabbit. Clients hire us because they want someone to fight for them, not flatter them. Goodness knows they’ve got enough obsequious attendants in their lives already.”

“Yeah, but Bruce and I actually get along like pals.”

“Even still, that kind of behavior is beneath even the worst of ambulance chasers.”

“Wow, talk about a buzzkill,” Mike sulked, picking at a callous on the side of his index finger.

“Oh, don’t be so upset. That was the bad news.”

“There’s good news?”

“Oddly enough, yes. I’ve decided that since you’ve recruited some new clients and you were so good about the minor assignments I gave you on the road, I’ll let you take on a pro bono client of your choosing-”

“Sweet!”

“-with some caveats.”

“Oh.”

“First, you’ll consult with me before formally agreeing to represent them. Second, you’ll avoid any cases that might draw too much attention to yourself. Third, and I must stress this point especially, you must only take a client for whom you have a realistic chance of winning, and in a timely manner. I don’t want it to get in the way of other, more lucrative cases.”

“You got it. So how was it having Devon and Jeffrey handle all of your grunt work?”

“I’ve never known someone quite like you, Mike.”

“You didn’t have to go that far, Jess-”

“When you fish for a compliment, you’re so utterly transparent about it.”

“Umm, _ouch_.”

“I’m still waiting on precedents that should have been collected mid-afternoon yesterday, and I had to re-proofread a stack of briefs like an elementary school English teacher. Are you happy?”

“Ecstatic.”

“Good, now come follow me to Rachel’s office. I need to borrow one of the reference texts she keeps, and it’s a good opportunity for you to meet the new paralegal.”

“Speaking of new hires, how do you like Amy?”

“She’s already shown some serious promise,” Jessica confessed, waiting for her associate to open the door for her. “And she’s not intimidated by the senior partners, which should prevent any pestering on their part.”

“Right? Though I’m sure it must be weird for her to be in a place where people generally like each other. That other company where she was working was such a toxic, self-loathing environment.”

“In that case, you should have suggested the new DA’s office: she would have felt right at home.”

“When do you think that place is going get out from under all of the mess that Cameron Dennis caused?”

“It’s tough to say. They’ve stalled on the worst cases until now, so the risk of monetary penalties is still high. Let’s just say I wouldn’t count on a Christmas bonus if I were an ADA there.”

“Grammy?!”

“It’s so good to see you, Michael!” the elderly woman chirped, signaling for Jessica’s associate to give her a hug. “I got here a little bit ago and Rachel simply insisted that I stop by and chat.”

“It’s been extremely informative,” the senior paralegal confirmed cheekily from her desk. “Oh, Jessica, where are my manners? Is there something I can do for you?”

“I need the ‘H’ volume of New York cases. Jeffrey listed a ruling that’s supposed to help my client, but I fear he garbled the judge’s logic in his haste to complete the task.”

“Oh, and Eunji here has been an absolute doll, too,” Edith continued, acknowledging the woman sitting on the other side of the desk. “She really wants to witness your eidetic memory in action sometime soon.”

“I’ve heard so much about you and we’ve only just met,” the new hire admitted awkwardly, holding out a hand to shake. “And Donna wanted us to remind you that it’s your turn to pay for lunch when we go out.”

“How many people am I on the hook for now?” Mike inquired nervously.

“Four plus yourself,” Rachel informed as she handed over the requested tome. “Maybe Harold, too.”

Jessica was a little jealous of how chummy the younger employees were. She briefly considered encouraging group partner lunches, but then swiftly reconsidered.

Nobody would want to eat the food cart hot dogs Harvey always touted.

“I have such a generous grandson,” Edith smiled, pushing herself up on the arms of her chair.

“Yeah, right. ‘ _Generous_ ’,” Mike repeated sarcastically.

“Oh, don’t whine, Michael. I hear that Rachel has saved you from missing a number deadlines in the past year, and I’m sure Donna has helped, too.”

“Yeah, _Michael_ ,” Rachel piled on, pushing the walker next to the desk to its owner. “Speaking of which, I need to ask you a favor.”

“Really? When I’m already going to treat you to lunch?”

“There’s a practice mock trial competition at Columbia tomorrow, and I need another person to be my client.”

“Rachel, I’m kind of looking forward to sleeping in-”

“Please, Mike? I don’t want to risk getting nervous about the actual mock trial later in the year, and I know I’ll have the confidence I need if I do this one. And before you ask, I’ve already had to ask Kyle to be my witness.”

Mike glanced over at his grandmother, who was busy pretending to fix her lipstick. Despite her apparent indifference, Jessica had a feeling Edith being here during Rachel’s plea wasn’t an accident.

“…Fine. When do I need to be there?”

“It starts at one, but you should get there about noon. My client is a little…unconventional, so we’ll need time to get you and him ready, but don’t worry about that now. Look, your boyfriend even saved you the trouble of walking to his office.”

Jessica and Mike turned in time to catch Harvey gawking at the blond associate through the glass, Donna, Wendy, and Marcus watching excitedly. Mike, in turn, seemed equally shocked.

“Your hair!”

Jessica rolled her eyes as Harvey’s dumbstruck gape morphed into a frown. She totally called it.

“Why does everyone make a big deal out of my hair?”

“Because…it’s you, Harvey,” Mike sputtered, still flummoxed.

“Mike, that sunblock was SPF 70. How on earth…you look like you spent every minute of your time out West at the beach.”

“Dude, forget my tan. You look…” Mike went silent as he caught his grandmother’s reflection in the glass. “Actually, is everyone ready to go to dinner?”

“They’d better be,” Edith warned as she pushed past her grandson into the hallway. “I have to get back to the care center before curfew or they won’t let me take part in the mahjong tournament.”

“You heard the woman,” Marcus whooped, already starting for the elevators with Jessica’s secretary in tow.

“See you guys Monday,” Mike concluded as Harvey and Donna followed the previous pair. “Er, Saturday in your case, Rachel.”

“Yeah, enjoy your dinner, you lucky bastard…Oops. Sorry, Jessica.”

“Don't worry, Rachel. I feel the same way,” the managing partner absolved before she started back for her office.

\-----

“You ready, bro?”

“Are you trying to make me nervous?”

“Just the opposite,” the younger Specter grinned as they sat outside waiting for the other two Wilsons. “You look a little tense.”

“That’s easy to say for the man who still hasn’t proposed to the woman carrying his child.”

“Ouch. Are you going to start that with me, too? You know we don’t have to get married to be good parents, right?”

“Sorry. It’s just…I don’t know how Mike is going to take this. We haven’t really talked about getting hitched.”

“He loves you, Har Har,” Marcus assured, slapping him on the back.

“Thanks, Markers. Ugh, do you know when Yolanda and Phil are going to get here? We’re going to miss our reservation if they don’t hurry up.”

“I can’t reach them by phone, so they’re either in the subway or…”

Marcus exchanged a worried stare with his brother.

“Here I am worried over this and Phil could be in trouble. Ugh,” Harvey groaned, clutching the velvet box in his pocket.

“I’m sure that’s not it, bro.”

“Hey, what are you two guys getting so freaked out about?” Mike asked as he walked out from the restaurant. “You look like Marcus just told you he and Wendy are moving to Jersey.”

“It’s not that bad, Mike,” Harvey corrected with a wry grin. “If he did something like that, I’d ban him from the condo.”

“Hey, I’m your brother!”

“You’re not tracking Jersey cooties into the place where I sleep.”

“I’m not moving to Jersey, I promise!” Marcus cried, throwing his hands up in despair. “I’d never subject my son to that level of punishment in a million years.”

“I’m holding you to that,” Harvey swore before turning back to his boyfriend. “See?”

“So what were you guys fretting about?”

“The company that makes his shoe shine polish might be going out of business,” Marcus invented effortlessly. “And you know Harvey. He’s going to spend ages trying to decide on a new one.”

Mike didn’t seem wholly convinced.

“It seemed like it was something bigger than that. Rene’s not…retiring…is he?”

“No,” Harvey stated emphatically, as if the force of his voice would prevent it from happening for another decade.

“Wait, is this about Louis making senior partner?”

Harvey sighed in resignation. There was that, too.

“It’s not a big deal, Harvey. We all knew it was going to happen eventually,” Mike rationalized. “Besides, look on the bright side: if he moves into Hardman’s old office, he’ll be that much further away from you.”

“He makes a good point,” Marcus agreed. “Although that would mean he’d be closer to Wendy when she got back, so I’m afraid I can’t allow it.”

“And what position do you hold with the firm again?”

“Hunky doctor extraordinaire.”

“Hunky? Marcus, I don’t want to burst your bubble-”

“Okay, I might not have had the chance to play a whole lot of futsal with the West African league recently, but you have to admit I look a whole lot better than when I first got back.”

“I don’t have to do anything,” Harvey jeered.

Marcus leered at his older (triumphant) brother before turning to the non-Specter in the group. “Hey Mike, I need to tell you something about tonight. Harvey here is going to- _ow_!” he yelped once Harvey punched him in the tricep.

“No intra-family fighting!” a familiar voice blasted from down the sidewalk.

“Finally you guys get here,” Marcus whined, standing up from the bench as Wendy’s siblings neared the restaurant. “We were worried about you.”

“It’s not our fault you had to pick a place all the way out here in the middle of nowhere,” Yolanda griped, adjusting her shoe. “I mean I know it’s a special occasion-”

Phil quickly cut off his sister with a couple of badly faked coughs.

“It is. Mike is finally back in town after a whole week away, and I want to hear about what it was like out there,” she continued confidently, as if she couldn’t believe her brother thought she was careless enough to spoil the surprise.

“I’ll go get the maître d’ to get us our table,” Harvey explained, hurrying ahead of the group into the restaurant. He needn’t have worried – Donna was already speaking to him.

“You do realize we’re paying you, right?”

“We have the luxury to be selective of our patrons,” the man replied, not even looking at her as he crossed something out in the wait list. “And I told you – there are rules at this establishment.”

“Yolanda and Phil just got here. What’s the problem, Donna?”

“He says that Edith and Mike aren’t dressed appropriately and he won’t allow them to be seated,” she whispered, aware of Mike’s grandmother and Wendy chatting in the waiting area behind them.

“What?”

“We were granted a three-star ranking by Michelin for our service and atmosphere,” the asshole informed, peering over at Yolanda and Phil. “Which means we don’t allow riffraff in from off the street. Besides, you were late for your reservation.”

“We still have another minute,” Harvey corrected, checking his watch.

“Another minute to regret attempting to eat here in athletic clothes, business casual, and a glorified muumuu.”

“That’s my friend you’re talking about!” Donna swore, pissed now that he’d insulted a pregnant woman. “Do you even know who this man is?”

“I’ve never come across him name before, and I don’t particularly fancy a lesson from such a rude woman.”

“Call your boss and ask him to tell you then.”

“I’ll do no such thing. Now please leave the premises before I have to summon security.”

“Are you joking?” Donna pressed him. “Fine. I’ll call the owner myself.”

Harvey sighed and stopped his assistant from dialing.

“Forget it, Donna. Everything is stressful enough as it is; I don’t have any appetite to eat here with this prick.”

“But Harvey, it’s your-”

“Is there still that burger joint on the corner?”

“You’re sure that’s where you want to pop the question? Over cheeseburgers and malt milkshakes?” she asked, a smile forming on her lips as she picked up on his reasoning.

“I don’t know what I was thinking coming here. This place is who I used to be before I met Mike,” he laughed, turning his back on the maître d’. “Change of plans, guys. We’re heading over to that diner on the corner.”

“Are you trying to get out of paying for a decent meal, bro?” Marcus pried, a little disappointed.

“Yeah, I came all the way down here for some fancy French food,” Yolanda piled on, peering into the main dining room.

“It’s not as classy as it looks,” Donna explained curtly, shooting the man behind the podium a death glare. “And I think there’s going to be a shakeup in the staff quite soon.”

\-----

“-And right at that very moment, he tripped on the very napkin he littered on the floor and fell flat on his back,” Yolanda struggled to explain with a straight face.

Mike shifted back in his chair and grinned. After they’d left the other place en masse, they’d spent the whole dinner sharing their best stories of assholes getting their comeuppances.

“I called the ambulance to be on the safe side, and when they asked me for my version of what happened, all I could say was…the trash…took itself out,” she forced out of herself before exploding into giggles.

“Was he okay?” Grammy fretted.

“Oh, he was fine. But every time my customers or I see him walking past the café, we get a good laugh.”

“He still hasn’t worked up the courage to come back, but I’m sure my sis would serve him if he did,” Phil added.

“I’d serve him, but he’s not getting any free extras.”

Mike looked over at his boyfriend, the only one who didn’t seem to be having a good time. He was weirdly stiff, and it even looked like he was sweating a little.

“Speaking of working up the courage,” Marcus interrupted with a chuckle. “Since you’re the one who treated us to all those burgers-”

“-and our salads-” Wendy reminded, referring to herself and Grammy.

“-and their salads, is there anything you’d like to say, bro?”

“I guess…I’d better,” the older Specter started cautiously. “Mike, it’s when you’re gone that I’m reminded of what we have together-”

“Oh crud. Is this one of our anniversaries?”

Donna and Wendy covered their faces with their napkins, forgetting that everyone could still hear them giggling.

Okay so it probably wasn’t that. Phew.

“Mike, there are days when we’re so busy that we barely get to see each other, despite working on the same floor of the same building. And this past week, I didn’t even get to sit at the dinner table or lie in bed next to you,” Harvey continued, speeding up as he spoke. “But I…I knew you were with me. Because I know you’ve got my back, got my best interest at heart. I _trust_ you.”

“And that doesn’t come lightly,” Marcus assisted.

“Harvey, what are you-”

“Mike, I want you in my life – _need you_ in my life. Not just today, not for the next month, but for all of it. I picture the future, and I can’t imagine you not being there beside me. Even when you’re a pain and even when you do something dumb and I have to bail you out, you bring me so much joy,” Harvey continued, pushing his chair back and fishing something from his pocket.

Oh shit.

“Michael…no, Mike James Ross…I…I…Iloveyou, and…Iwantoaskyouif…if…” Harvey paused, as though summoning the last of his resolve, “Will. You. Marry. Me?”

There were no less than a million thoughts crowding for the attention of Mike’s brain at that moment.

First of all, Harvey was resting the knee of Rene’s suit on the dirty floor of a cheap diner. What the hell was that?

Secondly, he himself was wearing a (moderately) dirty t-shirt and jeans while being proposed to, and Harvey didn’t appear to notice or care.

Thirdly, Harvey looked like he was about to collapse. He was dizzy and sweating bullets and…and Harvey never looked like that. Why did Harvey look like that again?

“This is the part where you’re supposed to say ‘yes’ or ‘no’, Michael.”

Grammy shocked him out of his stupor.

Harvey was proposing to him.

“Yes.”

Harvey’s face didn’t change immediately, as though he, too, was unable to fully comprehend everything going on in that moment. But when the affirmative jumped across his synapses, Mike’s boyfr-…no, _fiancé_ broke out into a huge grin and-

“Oof.”

Harvey was hugging him like a vice, pressing a ridiculous kiss to his lips.

“ _Thank you_.”

“About time,” Donna crowed as Harvey fumbled with one of the bands, sliding it onto Mike’s finger. “I thought we were going to have to call an ambulance ourselves.”

“Make sure you drink some water when you get home, Har Har,” Marcus agreed.

“I’m fine, Markers,” Harvey shrugged him off effortlessly, working the other band onto his own finger. “But thank you guys for coming out to help me with this-”

“Oh, it was _our_ pleasure,” Donna smirked, signaling the server to bring the check. “After all, it’s your treat, right?”

“Sure,” Harvey waved her off, squeezing Mike into another bear hug.

“In that case, maybe I’ll get a slice of chocolate cake to go,” Yolanda quipped.

“Fine.”

“And buy me a condo of my own?” Marcus added hopefully.

“Absolutely not.”

\-----

From: Rachel (212-XXX-XXXX)

Received: 8:37 PM

_I forgot to mention: make sure to SHAVE before coming tomorrow. Thanks again for offering to help. :-)_

\-----

“We made it,” Grammy resounded joyfully as Mike signed her back in at the nurses’ station. “And with hardly a moment to spare.”

“Oh no, Grammy. What would you have done if you weren’t allowed to join in the mahjong tournament?”

“Forced you to come and play checkers with me for five hours straight,” she threatened, using her fully mastered Jedi hypnosis stare.

“Five hours of me getting thrashed, you mean.”

“I’d be in a sour mood.”

“And how are you feeling right now, Grammy?” Mike asked as he took her arm again and started down the hallway.

“Ecstatic. What else would I be feeling after my grandson became engaged to the man who loves him?”

Mike blushed, but quickly realized she was trying to dodge his question.

“About the walker-”

“I still detest it.”

“But you’ll keep your promise to me that you’ll use it even when you think you can make it on your own? I mean, I know I’m not the one who should be making a big deal over keeping a promise, but-”

“I will, Michael.”

“For what it’s worth, I don’t like to see you using this thing, either.”

Grammy turned to him and pinched his cheek.

“Loretta says that I should stop getting drowsy so often now that my body is adjusting to the higher dosages. Hopefully that means I won’t nod off during one of our phone conversations again.”

“I told you not to worry about that,” Mike implored. “And I’m sure Rebecca will just whack you with a flyswatter if you drop off while you’re with her and Mildred.”

“She’s a good friend,” Grammy concurred. “But let’s talk about your wedding.”

“Okay, but we’re not doing that every time I come here.”

“At least we won’t have to worry about getting you a dress…unless you want one, that is?”

“Grammy!”

“Just checking, Michael.”

Mike eyed the mischievous woman carefully as they turned into her room.

“And just think of how many people you’ll have to invite. You’ve made so many friends since you started working for Jessica, and I’m sure they’ll want to be there for you.”

“I’m not looking forward to making all those invitations. I hope I don’t die from licking too many stamps like George’s fiancé on _Seinfeld_.”

“Oh, quit your whining.”

“That’s easy for you to say – grandpa’s family did all the work for your wedding.”

“Oh, but your father made me take care of everything for his ceremony. Did I ever tell you about the day before your parents got married? We still hadn’t found a babysitter for you and then the minister had to drop out because of ‘laryngitis’,” she explained, using scare quotes. “Actually, he was shamed out of performing the ceremony when he learned they’d had a child out of wedlock.”

“Are you saying I was a troublemaker even before I could crawl?” Mike inquired, helping her into her reading chair. She smiled as she reached for her copy of St. Augustine’s _Meditations_.

“The babysitter thought you were an absolute angel, although you got colicky while your dad and mom were away on their honeymoon.”

“Sorry about that.”

“I’m sure you’ll have to experience something like that yourself one day.”

“I hope this doesn’t crush you dreams, but neither Harvey nor I want children. And even if we did, our schedules wouldn’t allow us to spend time with a baby.”

“I wasn’t talking about your children,” she corrected, not bothering to elaborate.

“You’re going to be able to walk me down the aisle, right?”

“I fully intend to, Michael,” she nodded. “It’s going to be just wonderful; I’m sure of it.”

“Thanks, Grammy. Are you all set?”

“Loretta will be by in a half hour to help me to bed. Now go spend some alone time with Harvey – you more than deserve it after so long apart.”

“Alright. I’ll be by on Sunday like usual. Goodnight, Grammy.”

“Goodnight, Michael,” she smiled as she pulled the blanket Mike had knitted for her around herself.

Mike struggled to resist the urge to skip back to the front of the building. He might jinx himself if he acknowledged how good things were right now, and he really didn’t want to jeopardize what was sure to be a satisfying night with Harvey.

“Hey.”

“Ready to head home?” Harvey asked, swinging the key to the rental car on his finger.

“Yup.”

“Good, then let’s get going. I don’t want to get in trouble for what I might do to you in this parking lot if we hang around any longer.”

“It has been a while,” Mike grinned as he opened the passenger door, sliding in and clicking his seatbelt in a preposterously smooth motion completely unlike his usual klutzy self.

The planets must have been in alignment or something.

“It’s been ten days,” Harvey corrected gruffly, leaning over to kiss Mike once he’d done the same.

Mike desperately wanted to run his hands through Harvey’s hair, but figured the older man would get weird about it. So instead, he relaxed back into his seat and let the other man take care of getting back.

“Could you pick out something on the radio?”

“Sure thing, stud.”

Mike was still trying to pick up something decent when they rolled up to the first intersection, so he didn’t notice Harvey lay his left hand across his own until he heard the gentle clink of their bands making contact.

“It still feels too much like a dream,” the older man admitted.

The younger man pulled Harvey into a second deep kiss until the green of the traffic light shined into his eye and he reluctantly pulled back.

The song playing when they stopped was _Fuck It, I Love You._

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm posting this a bit early since I finished it up and didn't want to take the chance of the files getting corrupted.
> 
> Also, Nervous Harvey!
> 
> Also also, PSEUDO SPOILER ALERT: the Project Runway rule of increased airtime is in full effect, if you catch my drift. I didn't put it in the tags since she's not technically a major character (even though I consider her to be one), but if you're sensitive about these things then there's your warning.


	3. Engagement After-Party

“Mmmpf! Ha-Harvey!”

Harvey didn’t have time to shut up his frustratingly talkative fiancé, as first Mike and then he toppled over something in the dark.

“Fuck!”

They’d started making out during the private elevator ride up to the condo (per the usual), and neither had had the chance to flick on the lights before crossing the living room.

“Owww,” Mike moaned as rose to his feet and felt for the light switch. Once the lamp came on, the source of their pain was made apparent: Mike’s luggage lay next to the armchair, a certain stuffed animal sitting just beyond.

“Where do you think you’re going?” Harvey asked as he pinned Mike back against the window, kissing his way up the blond’s neck.

“You know I don’t do the nasty in front of Tyson,” Mike explained, slipping out to retrieve the panda. “And anyway, I gotta blast a dookie. Meet me in the shower?”

“I could swear I just proposed to a grown man, not a five-year-old. Fine,” Harvey agreed reluctantly, rolling his eyes. As much as he wanted to move straight to the bed, he was grimy from all the sweating he’d done at dinner.

Naturally, he held Mike responsible for that.

“Hey, Harvey? I don’t know all the ring protocol yet – am I supposed to take this thing off when I wash up?”

“Are you going to lose it in the five minutes it takes you to bathe?”

“Ummmmmmm, maybe?”

“Humor me and leave it on the counter, okay?” Harvey insisted, peeling himself free from his undershirt. “It is supposed to be fairly durable, though.”

“You got Donna to help you, didn’t you?”

“Not voluntarily.”

“I like it. At least I don’t have to worry about some big-ass diamond scratching up all the glass in the office.”

“Good, because I’d make you pay to replace it if you did.”

“On my associate’s salary? After Grammy’s care, I can just about pay the property taxes on this place.”

“Then it’s a good thing you’re only responsible for groceries, dining out, and travel. Oh, and clothing yourself, but that should go without saying.”

“Who needs clothes anyway?” Mike asked suggestively.

Harvey started back toward the bathroom to protest, but got caught dumbstruck in the doorway. Mike was futzing with the dial for the water, and he looked incredible.

“Jesus.”

“I just got a haircut before I left, Harvey. You can’t honestly be complaining-”

Harvey cut him off by pinning him to the shower wall, kissing him silent. Taking advantage of the opportunity, he shifted his gaze lower.

“When did I get engaged to Adonis?”

“…I guess I have gotten a little ripped.”

“You were a little ripped when you were in training, Mike. For fuck’s sake – you’ve got visible abs.”

“Just barely.”

“Still,” Harvey conceded rubbing his thumb along their faint outlines. “And this chest hair…”

“You want me to shave it?”

“No…I think I kinda like you trying to be butch like this,” Harvey smirked, turning back to meet Mike’s eyes.

“I don’t have to try to be butch, Harvey.”

Harvey stared at the other man, perfectly still. He thought he was in full control, but Mike broke out one of his high school wrestling moves, and wheeled them around.

The older man’s cock sprung sky high at that.

“See?” Mike pressed, raising a hand to Harvey’s hair, causing him to dodge. “Seriously, Harvey? You need to let me touch it.”

“My head is not a petting zoo.”

“You’re not in a position to argue, dude,” Mike smirked, though he shouldn’t have. He was always vulnerable when he got smug.

“We can listen to you pretend to be butch all night, or we can stop wasting water and get cleaned up,” Harvey suggested, swinging Mike back against the wall.

“Can I shampoo it, at least?”

“It’s just hair, Mike.”

“Bullshit. It’s Harvey Specter’s hair – it’s like a crown compared to the rest of us peons.”

“You’re not a peon, babe,” Harvey consoled, handing him the bottles of the Italian shampoo (his own) and Pert (Mike’s). “But you could probably do with some extra scrubbing. You’re getting a little oily.”

“There weren’t real showers along the route. And quit dodging the topic of discussion.”

“Which is?”

“You’re a natural blond, which means…you dyed your hair?! I mean, I knew it was blond when you were at Columbia, but I just thought it became darker once you became Jessica’s Sith apprentice,” Mike jabbed, working his fingers though Harvey’s locks.

“Funny. You want me to tell that one to your boss on Monday?”

“Again: dodging the topic.”

“Yes, I dyed my hair, okay? Everybody called me a surfer or a beach bum or a…look it’s not important. I changed it up so people would have to work harder to have something on me, and gauging the response this time maybe I should change it back.”

“No! No fucking way!” Mike cried, moving his hands to his own head. “I refuse to allow to do you anything of the sort!”

“…So you like it?”

“Like it? Harvey, I want to fuck you nonstop for a year with that gorgeous golden coif. I mean, _dude_ , you look _good_.”

“Speaking of which,” Harvey began, reaching for the washcloth. “You wanna top tonight?”

“Really?”

“Unless you’d rather bottom?”

“Top. Definitely top. Plus, my backside is still kind of a no-go area from all that time in the saddle and then those uncomfortable airplane seats-”

Harvey wrapped a hand around Mike’s cock and gave it a solid pump, exposing the red glans. He took the younger man’s hiss as a suggestion to continue, so he upped the pressure while he sucked on the younger man’s neck.

“Damnit, stud. You…dunno…I…needed this.”

“I think I do,” Harvey objected, sliding his own erection against Mike’s so he could jack them simultaneously. “I missed you all through the week, Mike.”

The other man locked eyes with Harvey and kissed him as hard and as long as they both could hold out. At last, all of that lung capacity training Mike had done seemed to be providing tangible benefits.

“I call first dibs on the washcloth,” Mike announced once they’d caught their breath.

“Dork.”

“Not trying to kill the mood-”

“You’re doing a terrible job of it.”

“-but if we keep the intensity that high all night I won’t be able to help out Rachel with her mock trial tomorrow. Plus, I really wanna fuck you long and slow.”

“Hold up,” Harvey interjected as Mike rinsed the last of the soap out of his hair. “You’re interrupting our engagement weekend for Rachel? Doesn’t _she_ owe _you_ a favor?”

“What’s the score between you and Marcus?”

“Shut up. He’s my brother.”

“We’re lawyers, Harvey. An argument like that just doesn’t fly,” the younger man grinned as he swabbed his armpits. “Besides, it’s just one afternoon. We have plenty of time to celebrate in the future.”

“We’re going dancing tomorrow night once you’re done with kiddy court.”

“Works for me. Hey, can you do my back?” Mike asked once he’d wiped his crotch.

“Turn around.”

“Aye, aye, c-”

Harvey smacked Mike’s rear with an echoing _thwack_.

“What was that for?”

“Enough sass from you, mister,” Harvey warned, scrubbing the other blond’s back. “Well, actually, I just wanted to see your ass jiggle. Fuck you look amazing.”

“Oh yeah?” Mike teased, jutting it back towards him.

Two (extra) sharp spanks followed, and Harvey silently cursed himself for not calling dibs on topping that night. The younger man’s bulging thighs and calf only served to make him rue that decision further.

“Get on your knees.”

Mike turned and shared a lurid grin before obeying the command, the filthy little fucker.

“Is this what you want, stud?” he asked, swallowing the head of Harvey’s cock.

“Faster.”

“What’s the magic word?”

“I can go and get the handcuffs.”

“Buzzkill,” Mike lamented, rolling his eyes. He pressed forward, taking about three quarters of Harvey’s length into his mouth.

“Goddamnit, Mike!”

“Mmpprrrobbbbeemmm?” he hummed.

The older man wrapped his hand around the back of Mike’s head and forced the last bit in, causing him to gag.

“I’m a little out of practice here, jerk,” the blowee groaned, wiping his face. “I could swear your dick grew over the past week.”

“Thanks for the flattery. Ready for more?”

“I always rise to the occasion. In this case, quite literally,” Mike winked, working his way back down to the base. He’d indeed found the roughness a turn-on, judging by his jumping erection.

Harvey watched the younger man bob back and forth until he couldn’t anymore and had to pivot to the ceiling. The suction, the speed, the curvature of his tongue – there was nothing like a blowjob from Mike.

“How close?” Mike pried once he’d back off, using the opportunity to suck on Harvey’s balls.

“Very.”

“Want me to finish you off?”

“Yes. You want me to cum in your hair?”

“Well, I did just clean it up,” Mike considered, stroking Harvey’s length. “Awww, fuck it. There’s plenty of shampoo in the bottle.”

“That’s the Mike I know,” Harvey grinned, taking hold of his cock and control of the action. He nudged Mike back against the wall to hold him still while he thrust himself forward. “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck. Damn, you feel good.”

“Ust ‘ou wai’, ‘ud.”

Harvey really should’ve slapped him across the face with his prick for that, but he’d run out of patience. He jammed himself into Mike’s mouth with unprecedented ferocity, singularly focused on getting over the cliff.

It didn’t long.

“Aaarrrrgghhh,” he eked out, wincing as he pulled out and began firing into Mike’s hair. “So damn hot, Mi~ke.”

The older man quaked with each blast, and the orgasm he’d been denied for the past week lasted for a good half-minute. Dizziness and exhaustion followed; Harvey had to grab onto Mike’s shoulders to stop himself from collapsing.

“Feel better?”

“I may need you to give me another one of these in the file room sometime soon,” Harvey winced, pulling Mike up so he could kiss him. “There’s a pretty big…backlog – I shouldn’t have any trouble getting back up for the second act tonight.”

“Good, but for now, you’re in charge of cleaning up the mess you made.”

“Gladly,” the older man grinned, retrieving the bottle of Pert for the second time that night. “And sorry for rushing things. I probably should’ve waited until I’d cleaned myself up.”

“Nah, I love a little saltiness.”

“How do I always manage to forget what a depraved little horndog you are?”

“It’s the hair. By the way, welcome back to the cult of assumed purity and naiveté.”

“Gee, thanks,” Harvey grunted, massaging his fingers through Mike’s (slimy) follicles. “You’re sure it looks okay?”

“Dude, quit being such a teenage girl. You’re going to make me feel weird when I screw you.”

Harvey grabbed the fallen washcloth and made like he was going to whip Mike. Satisfied with the brat’s subsequent flinch he handed it over to him.

“You can clean me up.”

“‘Can’, or ‘will’?”

“Which do you think?” Harvey pressed, pulling Mike’s head back under the water to rinse out the suds. “And make it snappy. I don’t want to keep the water running the whole time if you’re going to take it slow.”

“Oh, I’ll make it snappy,” Mike promised, starting on Harvey’s chest. “What a bossy little bottom you can be.”

“I’m not the little one.”

“About that: just how many times did you go boxing while I was away?”

“Three…and-a-half. Why?”

“Your arms always get tensed up when you do extra sessions there,” the scrubber explained, polishing Harvey’s upper back. “You think I don’t notice these things, but I do.”

The senior partner stared at his lover, suppressing the urge to tell him how much confessions like that meant.

“And also it’s kinda sad. I bet you used one of your sessions to get out of playing footie with your brother.”

“First off, it’s ‘soccer’, no matter what Markers says. Secondly, you’re an ass,” Harvey accused, thankful for the mood change.

“But I’m not wrong, am I?”

“Whenever he wants to play a little baseball, basketball, or football, I’ll be there. By the way, you missed a spot behind my right knee.”

“Just like I said: bossy.”

“I can be nice.”

“Prove it.”

Harvey kissed Mike on the lips to distract him, then pressed the magic buttons: his nipples. One tug on each and the younger man was completely revved up and ready for a little oral – which Harvey happily supplied after a little adjusting.

“Mmmmm.”

“You like that?” he laughed, fluttering his tongue against the tip of Mike’s head.

“Don’t tease me.”

“Now who’s being bossy?”

“Shut up and suck it,” Mike commanded. (Hell, did he have any idea how sexy he was when he got assertive like that?) “Ahhhhhhh.”

Even after well over a year of practice, taking Mike’s cock still wasn’t anything close to easy. It wasn’t as thick as his own, but the extreme length meant it took a massive degree of deepthroating to get to the hilt.

“Damn…big,” Harvey sputtered between coughs after a failed advance. “Mind if I make it sloppy?”

“You just jizzed in my hair,” Mike reminded, raising an eyebrow.

“Point made,” Harvey grinned back. He worked up a little spit on his tongue and used it to help lubricate the massive organ as it re-entered his mouth.

Much better.

“Ohh fuck, Harvey. Can you-?”

He was one step ahead of Mike, already tugging on the man’s balls as he pumped the shaft with the other. He smiled around the penis when he heard the younger man’s hiss of pleasure.

“W-wait…ease up…a little.”

Harvey released his grip on the trunk, using his now free hand to grab the tub of lube. It took a bit of futzing with the cap, but once it was off he swiped a dab onto his finger.

“Hold up. I told you my ass is still clamped up,” Mike warned nervously.

“Just one finger,” Harvey smirked before swallowing about six inches of schlong.

Aware of his lover’s fear, Harvey patiently ran his index finger in circles around his hole. He’d prod it as though he was about to insert it only to then swallow another inch of cock instead, repeating the process several times.

“Phew…not gonna make it…”

“Persevere.”

“Easy for you to…holy fuck!”

Once Harvey had buried all nine inches, he hit the blond with a double shock: a tongue on his balls (a somewhat regular feat for which he was particularly proud) and a needling of his finger past both anal rings. He continued to slide on his length while his finger searched about for his prostate.

“T-too much! Harvey, I can’t take it!”

Almost there.

“I’m serious. Aggggghh!”

There it was.

“And now you’re being a baby. See, you didn’t even cum.”

“I almost did,” Mike panted, pulling Harvey up for a kiss this time. “Oh man, can I eat your butt now?”

“It should be clean inside, but you’ll want to wipe the outside good before you start.”

“Got it,” Mike acknowledged happily, guiding Harvey’s hands to the handle on the wall. “Hold on tight.”

The former brunet watched as Mike detached the showerhead from its perch and switched the setting to jet blast. He aimed it so that it hit his crack indirectly, then starting scrubbing with the washcloth.

“I dreamed about sliding into you so many times on the course,” Mike admitted. “And you don’t know how awkward it is waking up in a tent with a raging hard-on seven days in a row.”

“No dreams about riding my cock?”

“No need to be jelly, stud. We’ll get to that in due course,” he pledged, discarding the washcloth. “Sorry if I’m in a bit of a rush.”

“That’s not a prob…fuck.”

If Harvey was the more skilled cocksucker in the relationship, then Mike was the better ass eater. He was convinced the little brat’s tongue had some kind of homing device for nerve endings.

“Like that?”

“You know I do,” Harvey replied indignantly.

Mike seemed pleased, and twisted so that he could get his head in deeper. His five o’clock shadow rubbed against the sensitive skin of Harvey’s crack while the hot breath and warm water worked their way past his defenses.

“Spread your cheeks for me.”

“Yes, sir,” Harvey answered with a chuckle.

“Get ready,” Mike hinted, and Harvey hitched his breath.

The jet of warm water hit Harvey’s hole dead on, and as he scrunched his face in ecstasy Mike swung south and lapped at his perineum. The older man shook, only sending further jolts of pleasure up to his already short-circuited brain.

“Too much.”

“Deal with it,” Mike ordered, sliding his tongue back into Harvey’s hole. This time he added a finger to spread him still further; the passing breeze paralyzed him.

“I…I”

“Tell me what you want, Harvey,” Mike directed, grazing his teeth on one of the man’s cheeks.

“I need you…inside me.”

The tongue returned to Harvey’s hole again and he moaned at the lapping.

“Please.”

There was no recognition of that last word. Mike continued to push his tongue deeper inside, hitting every pleasure receptor on his way.

Still, his cock ached for more.

“Please, Mike.”

There was a pause, and then a clang as the showerhead skidded off to the drain cover. Mike turned the water off and rose from his kneeling position.

“I love you, Mike.”

“I love you, too, Harvey,” the blond replied, leaning in to kiss him on the mouth. “It won’t be long, okay?”

“…Okay.”

Mike smiled and wiped some of the excess water out of Harvey’s lashes. He then leaned down and grabbed the lube, smearing a liberal amount on two of his fingers. They entered him with a sharp, burning stab, but it was better than having to wait longer still.

“I thought you’d be tighter. Did you get ready for this before I got back?”

“I put a dildo in last night…and cleaned myself this morning,” Harvey admitted, blushing. “I knew I needed to loosen up if I was going to take you.”

“I love you, Harvey,” Mike reiterated with a smirk and a kiss to his nape.

The fingers continued on for a bit, eventually joined by a third. When Harvey tried to push back on them, he got a few punishing spanks in return.

“Trust me.”

Harvey nodded against the wall. Still as he could manage to remain, he was disappointed when the three fingers abandoned his entrance – now he was damp, chilly, and empty.

The seconds passed by while Mike prepped his cock.

Tick. Tock.

It felt like an eternity.

“Such an impatient baby,” the younger man chuckled, as though he could read Harvey’s thoughts. “Here goes.”

There was no nice way to put it: Mike’s cock hurt. It singed as it entered him and he couldn’t relax his inner ring enough in time.

“Arrrrrgh.”

“Easy, Harvey,” Mike soothed, withdrawing completely. He left a hand on Harvey’s butt while the other set about applying more lubricant to his cock.

“Sorry. I thought I was-”

“Just breathe. Let me know when you’re ready.”

“Can you lend me an arm?” Harvey requested. Mike beamed and wrapped his left around his chest; Harvey laced his fingers together with his lover’s and rested them against his navel. “I’m ready.”

“Sure?”

“Yup.”

The second attempt was far more successful, but it still hurt a fair bit. Once he’d bottomed out, Mike froze and rubbed his foot on top of Harvey’s.

“I love you, Mike.”

Kisses landed on Harvey’s neck and he winced again, this time in pleasure.

“Fuck me.”

The final check cleared, Mike dragged his cock out and then glided it back it in at a glacial pace. His other hand wrapped around Harvey’s member and squeezed it gently.

Christ, Harvey loved this sweet agony.

“You know fucking this slow is torture for me, right?”

“You do seem to tend toward the masochistic end of the spectrum,” Harvey snickered.

Mike flexed his pelvic muscles, launching his glans right into Harvey’s prostate.

“FUCK!”

“Gotcha. You should see your cock – it’s leaking like a faucet.”

Harvey couldn’t manage a reply.

The strokes started to come a little faster now, with Mike pulsing his member so that it banged randomly into different parts of the older man’s walls along the way.

“You like that?”

“Yes.”

“It feels so amazing inside you. Y’know, I’ve fucked you seventy-three times, and even now it never gets old.”

“I’ve bottomed for you seventy-three times?”

“Not counting those times you got me off twice, of course,” Mike beamed, leaning in to kiss him on the lips. “Fuck, I love the way my cock looks jammed in you.”

“Watch your mouth. You’re going to make me cum if you keep talking like that.”

“You’ve got such a muscley butt. The way it wraps around me?- it’s like a glove.”

“Mike-”

“And you’re so responsive to my cock. I can feel your erection throbbing in my hand.”

“Fuck.”

“Push back on it. Work my cock.”

Harvey was too sex drunk to protest, so he pushed himself back into Mike’s waist and rotated his hips to increase the friction. He was impatient and instinctive and so damned desperate for maximum contact.

“That’s it: ride me.”

“Making me…do all the work,” Harvey griped, earning himself a sloppy kiss.

“I can speed things up-”

“No. You wanted torture – I’ll torture us both.”

“That’s not what I-”

Harvey squeezed down around Mike’s cock, starting him hyperventilating.

“I’m in charge now, Mike.”

“I’m supposed to be…calling the shots.”

The older man ignored his lover’s protestations, pulling out so that only Mike’s glans remained inside him. He squeezed, loosened, and repeated on it as Mike pumped Harvey’s manhood.

“I’m…the top,” Mike whined.

“Too bad.”

Harvey slammed himself back to the base of Mike’s cock, twisting at the destination.

“Not…fair!”

With his free hand, Harvey reached behind and latched onto the blond’s nipple, twisting it hard.

“That’s! It!”

Mike thrust forward and started pounding Harvey’s ass so hard he thought he might knock the pictures off the wall in the living room.

“Jesus, Mike!”

No intelligible response came; instead only feral growls resounded through the bathroom.

The hand wrapped around Harvey’s cock, too, became erratic. It pumped the shaft fast and hard, completely out of sync with the thrusts further back. Each motion brought the skin back over the glans, overloading every nerve.

Harvey’s eyes rolled back in his head.

“Gonna…cum!” he screamed.

“Cum…for…me!”

With no control over his own body, Harvey could only lean back into Mike as he blasted the tile wall. Just when he started to regain some semblance of control, the younger man affixed his lips to the skin just below his ear.

In turn, Harvey clamped down on Mike’s cock as hard as he possibly could.

“FUUUUUUUUCK!”

Mike thrust himself forward three final times, burying his cock completely on the last stroke. Harvey swore he was up to his stomach when he orgasmed, emptying himself over the course of what seemed like hours.

When the volleys seemed to cease and the spasms had been brought to heel, he carefully carded his free hand through the younger man’s hair, massaging the scalp.

“I think…I’m blind. Stars everywhere.”

“If it means more sex like that, maybe I should have you go to California for a week more often.”

“Don’t joke. I missed you so much, stud.”

“Me too, Mike.”

Harvey turned his head and exchanged one more drawn-out kiss with his fiancé.

“Oh, man,” Mike gasped, carefully withdrawing his shrinking penis. “Phew. We really made a mess, huh?”

“It’ll wash off. How about we clean up and grab some warm clothes? I DVRed all the episodes of _@Midnight_ you missed and there’s a pint of mint chip in the freezer.”

“I double extra super duper love you, Harvey. No, like, infinity plus one I love you.”

“Dork,” Harvey grinned, rubbing his nose against Mike’s. “I infinity to the infinity power love you. Even despite your preposterous vocabulary and inability to remember where you left your phone.”

“Which one of us forgot to take off his ring?”

Harvey glanced down and recalled how he’d rushed to get the idiot in the shower, forgetting to set aside the white gold band.

Then he kissed the satisfied smirk off Mike’s face. Again and again and again.

\-----

“Ahhhhh, this is the life,” Mike sighed contentedly as he stretched out his legs to the couch’s other armrest. Exhaling again, he helped himself to another spoonful of delicious mint ice cream.

“I know I should be grateful for it, but it’s pretty disgusting how low maintenance you are sometimes,” Harvey remarked as he returned to his seat, forcing Mike to sit up.

“Hey, that’s why Jessica likes having me as her associate. Other than asking about some of the Seamless bills and the occasional morning heads-up meeting, she’s pretty much left me alone to get the work done.”

Harvey rolled his eyes so Mike leaned up and kissed the amused grump on the lips.

“I hear she actually dumped a pro bono on your desk and got you to thank her for it. Christ, even I don’t have you whipped that much, and I’ve actually whipped you.”

“Puh-lease, stud. Deep down inside you love helping people; it gives you a tingling sensation and makes you feel warm all over.”

“Nope, that’s my quarterly distribution check,” Harvey corrected, swiping the tub of ice cream out of Mike’s hands. “So who are you helping this time? A war widow? A group of hipsters trying to save a park?”

“I haven’t decided yet.”

“Wait, you’re picking the client?!”

“Now you see why I was so grateful for the offer, huh?”

“Just do us a favor and don’t pick anybody trying to sue one of our clients. Or someone completely unsympathetic.”

“I think I know not to do something like that,” Mike scoffed, tapping his spoon against his lips. “I’m supposed to pick some sweet old lady who was wrong by one of Rachel’s dad’s clients, aren’t I?”

“Nah, Zane has mostly kept away from our guys for a while now. If anything, you should try to pick someone with a grudge against one of Wakefield-Cady’s clients.”

“What have they done to us?”

“Nothing, but when I was in the courthouse on Wednesday to fight a subpoena I saw one of their fifth-years swanning around like he was God’s gift to the legal profession. I’d love to see you wipe the floor with him or one of his egotistical little friends.”

“Yeah, but it’d only really sting if they knew that I’m not a lawyer.”

Harvey shrugged as he unpaused the television.

“And for the record, I’m touched that you want to use me to humiliate the competition. I feel very loved.”

“You are wearing my engagement ring…” Harvey trailed off, allowing Mike to snatch back the ice cream. “No regrets as of yet?”

“ _No_ ,” Mike assured. “You’re not freaking out, are you?”

The first lightning round interrupted the conversation, and Mike didn’t feel like staring at the other man. When it switched to commercial, he briefly considered repeating himself.

“I want this – to get married,” Harvey began, tracing a figure eight pattern in Mike’s sweatpants. “It’s more the process that’s bothering me. I have no clue about reserving a venue or how many people there should be…”

“Uhhh, I think we both know who the wedding coordinator will be. Even if you don’t ask her to do it, she’ll still take care of everything anyway.”

“I feel like we should have some say in how it plays out. The bigger issue is…there’s someone I’m thinking about…nevermind.”

“What?”

“It’s not important. I’ll make up my mind eventually and let you know.”

Mike racked his brain but he couldn’t figure out whom Harvey could mean. Was he thinking about inviting Scottie? Or maybe an ex-girlfriend from high school, like the one with the black and blond ponytail? Or – holy crap – was he going to invite all of his one-night stands?

They were going to need a bigger church.

“Go easy with the thinking, boy genius. You’ll overheat your brain and melt the ice cream.”

“Harvey-”

“Tell me about kiddy court. Who will you be playing in Rachel’s trial?”

He was dodging, but Mike didn’t feel like pressing till it hurt tonight.

“Dunno. She just said that I’m a witness and that I need to remember to shave tomorrow morning.”

“You’re wait too trusting of her,” Harvey remarked, shaking his head. “She’ll probably make you some obnoxious corporate douche.”

“Well, she didn’t specify that I need to come in a suit, so that’s probably not it. Besides, why would Rachel do something like that to me? We’re practically besties.”

“I’m telling you she’s going to pull some kind of gag on you.”

“I think we’re going to have to agree to disagree,” Mike concluded as the show started up again, but now all he could think of was how Rachel might try to prank him.

“You’d better not hog the first slice of wedding cake as bad as you’re hogging the ice cream. Jerk.”

“Are you kidding me? You’re the one that always hogs the snacks!” Mike protested, resisting Harvey’s attempt to life the tub from his hands.

“Because you’re a glutton.”

“Am not.”

“Are, too,” Harvey objected, slipping out from beside him. He turned and pinned Mike to the couch, tossing the ice cream onto the coffee table once he had the chance.

“Why do I feel like we’re not done celebration fucking tonight?

“Because we’re not,” Harvey answered matter-of-factly.

\-----

From: Louis (212)-XXX-XXXX

Received: 7:24 AM

_Donna, it looks like today is going to be the day._

 

To: Louis (212)-XXX-XXXX

Sent: 7:28 AM

_Okay. Send me the list of any stuff you need and I’ll pick it up on my way over. Don’t call Wendy until after 8:00 – she’s crabby in the morning since she stopped drinking coffee._

 

To: Louis (212)-XXX-XXXX

Sent: 7:29 AM

_And try to not freak out, okay? We’ve got the easy jobs._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ack, so sorry about the extended delay. I knew I wasn't going to have as much time to write going forward, but it seemed like everything conspired to deny me time to get the words down on the page. It didn't help that this was originally only the first half of an extra-long chapter, but I've decided to publish it on its own.
> 
> I'll do my very best to see that the second half gets uploaded no later than Friday.


	4. Kittens & Kiddy Court

“Louis, just take a deep breath. Everything’s going to be fine,” Wendy soothed, leaning back in her chair at the kitchen table. The junior partner had disappeared from the video chat window on her laptop, but she could still hear him fretting over the French song Marcus was humming at the stove.

“I don’t want Sapphire to have any complications. She’s not even two years old yet.”

“The more interfering you do, the more chances there’ll be for you to spread germs or damage something. Has Donna gotten there yet?”

“Not yet.”

“How does Sapphire look?”

“The contractions are coming on more frequently now. She’s ignoring me, but otherwise she looks okay.”

“Good, that’ll stop her from picking up on any of your anxiety. You laid down plenty of old blankets?”

“Yes.”

“And she’s got water nearby?”

“Yes.”

There was a sudden rapping at the door, and it took a moment for Wendy to realize it was coming from her end of the conversation.

“I’ll get it,” Marcus announced, hurrying to the door. “Ah, we’re public storage again, aren’t we?”

“Here’s the Yo weekly supply special,” Phil affirmed, hefting an enormous box of napkins and straws past the kitchen and further down the hallway. “And before you ask, I made sure there aren’t any coffee beans so you won’t be tempted.”

“What’s going on?” Louis asked. He’d hunched forward far too close to the camera, and Wendy had to avert her gaze from the unflattering image.

“This time of the week is always a little cramped here – it’s when all of the stuff for the café gets delivered.”

“That can’t be good for Franklin. Cats need plenty of room to move around and play,” the balding man accused patronizingly. If she weren’t doing all this for _his_ cat, Wendy would have disconnected right there.

“He’s still got plenty of territory, Louis. And for what it’s worth, there are some perks to being a supply depot.”

“Like what?”

Wendy shifted her attention to the upside-down cardboard box gliding past the threshold, no doubt drawn by the smell of sizzling bacon.

“Urban camouflage – Franklin, I know that’s you.”

“Mrrrrreeeawr.”

“Get over here,” Wendy ordered, tapping her feet to guide her visually-impaired pet. “Honestly, who are you trying to fool?”

“Hey, he’s using the Solid Snake routine I taught him!” Marcus admired from the stove.

“I think we need to have a word about the types of behaviors you’re teaching him.”

“Oh thank Moses – I can see Donna walking up to the door!” the junior partner blurted from his end.

“I don’t get it,” Marcus observed as he returned to the stove. “Don’t cats pretty much take care of the birthing process on their own?”

“From what I’ve read,” she concurred, tossing aside the box and scooping up the furry feline. After a bit of fussing, she managed to deposit him on the narrow strip of lap not occupied by her enormous belly.

(Frustratingly, Franklin’s diet had finally taken, and Wendy was the fat one for once.)

“But she might not break all of them out of their amniotic sacs quickly enough, or there could be fluid trapped in their airways. The vet said to expect four kittens, so she’ll have her paws full.”

“And why didn’t he have her fixed again?”

“He’d made the appointment,” Wendy recited, “but _that incident_ happened before he could get her to the vet.”

“We’re not talking about that today,” Louis commanded, Donna coming into view behind him. “Sapphire doesn’t need that stress.”

“Hey, Wendy!” Harvey’s assistant crowed with a loud whisper, retrieving a package of gloves and a bar of unscented soap. “Don’t worry, you’re not the only sane one here anymore.”

“I’m in full command of my faculties,” Louis huffed.

“And just why are you sacrificing your Saturday morning, Donna? As a fellow secretary, I figured you’d still be resting off the last week at the office.”

“Now look here, missy: Louis is a dear friend of mine,” the redhead upbraided as she stowed her jewelry. “Plus, Louis promised me I could take in one of the girl kittens in a few months, so it’s only fair that I should be here when she comes into the world.”

“You’re sure you don’t want to keep them all?”

“One cat is stressful enough as it is,” Louis explained. “Sapphire is even pickier than Bruno is…w-wa…”

The junior partner dropped his head, and instantly Wendy remembered why she’d felt bad enough for him to get dragged into this entire misadventure.

“Anyway, I want to make sure they’ll all have good homes. The pound doesn’t need any more abandoned kitties to go through what Franklin did.”

“Mrawrrrr.”

The cat in question abandoned his perch and headed for his now occupied food dish. Marcus quickly retreated, having learned the hard way not to stand between Franklin and his once-a-week scrambled egg and bacon sliver feast.

“Don’t worry, Louis. There are plenty of people at the firm who’d make terrific owners, and we’re going to sell these kittens like QVC hucksters.”

“Donna, I’m not sure if that’s the best comparison.”

“Hush. Ooh, actually that reminds me,” Harvey’s assistant recalled, disappearing from sight again. “You should be the one to take pictures after. I don’t think she’ll want me all up in her business.”

“Doesn’t the world have enough kitty-cat photos?” Marcus pressed incredulously.

“It’s the moment of maximum helplessness, and therefore maximum cuteness. Once we’ve picked the shots we like the most, I’ll plaster the walls of the conference room to guilt-trip people every time they have a meeting. Even cold-hearted corporate lawyers can’t avoid the pull of kittens.”

“I knew it. You’re pure, manipulative evil,” Wendy observed, shaking her head.

“Only with the best intentions!”

“D-D-Donna! I think it’s starting!”

“Tell Louis to keep his voice down.”

“Wait, switch the laptop around so we can see, too!” Marcus pleaded between spoonfuls of oatmeal. “This is better than prime-time television.”

Once everything came back into focus, Wendy was pleased to see that she might not be the most swollen mother on the face of the Earth. In fact, Jessica’s assistant could just make out what looked like an eggplant emerging from the Russian Blue as she rubbed her head into the blankets.

“Can I watch, too?” Phil asked as he set down another box of supplies.

“Yeah, hold on,” Wendy requested, shifting the computer on the table so they could add another chair. “This does feel a little voyeuristic, though.”

“Sapphire is a bit odd for the breed,” Louis explained, visibly restraining himself from petting her anywhere but her head. “She seems to be okay around strangers, so long as they’re not too pushy.”

Another round of strained mews resounded as the cat made a second and then a third attempt to push the first kitten free. Her cries stirred up the tomcat licking his plate behind the crowd at the dinner table.

“Mrreawr.”

“Don’t worry, Franklin, I’ve got you,” Marcus promised, helping the cat up into his lap. “I guess you’re rooting for her, too, huh?”

Franklin made no response, but he nevertheless hoisted himself up on the edges of the table and his hind legs.

“Does any of this make you nervous, Wendy?”

“Just a bit grossed out. I’m making a note to have the nurse freshen up my mascara once the baby’s out.”

Their side conversation was cut to a halt when Sapphire let out one final loud meow and passed the infant out of herself. Louis let out a sigh of relief as she moved to begin licking the wet, vaguely alien-looking infant.

“Time of birth, 9:37 AM,” Donna logged stoically. “And I’m definitely getting boy vibes from this one. Guess I’ll have to wait a while longer to meet my kitty.”

“There’s no way you can tell the gender of a newborn.”

“Oh, can’t I?”

“No, you can’t.”

“Wanna put some money down on that position?” Donna pressed as she returned from the other room to the laptop.

“…No.”

“Told you so.”

“Does the gender really matter?”

“How am I supposed to dish about dates with a tomcat?”

“What if you get your lady kitty and she turns out to be a lesbian?”

“Then I’ll love her just as much. Besides, everybody knows that girl cats are more responsible.”

“What?!”

“That is kinda true,” Phil conceded before catching sight of Franklin staring at him.

“Mreawrrrrrrrr.”

“…But some tomcats like Franklin are still really awesome.”

“Please. Franklin would completely agree with me if he could speak. From the stories you’ve told me, Wendy, all he does all day is wander from toy to toy and wait for his humans to get home and lavish him with attention and belly rubs.”

“Well…I suppose…”

“He still won’t let _me_ give him belly rubs,” Marcus whined accusingly. “And I know he lets Harvey do it, so don’t try to make it seem like it’s just a Wilson thing.”

“How long do we have until the next kitten?” Louis called from his spot on the floor, ignoring the previous comment.

“It’s childbirth, Louis, not a soufflé. She could take as much as an hour.”

“I wasn’t trying to rush things, but the longer I spend with these little guys, the harder it’ll be to let go. At least this one has a visible imperfection,” the junior partner griped. “Look at all those white streaks ruining his gray-blue coat.”

Donna silently pleaded with Wendy to remain calm, but like hell was Jessica’s assistant about to let an appraisal like that go unchallenged.

“I get that you’re being a superficial prick to make the parting process easier, but there’s no need to judge something that’s five minutes old on its looks,” the redhead sniped before she could lob her own response.

“…Yeah, what she said!”

“I’m judging because it’s all that randy mongrel’s fault. Who knows what kind of inferior alleles he passed on to these kittens? Or how the heck a red cat and a gray-blue one managed to make a kitten with white stripes?”

“More fool you,” Donna murmured.

“What was that?”

“Nothing.”

“And anyway, that cat wouldn’t have been there if he hadn’t-”

“I thought we weren’t rehashing this today?”

“We will have our revenge,” Louis vowed, tapping his fingers together.

Good Lord that man could be creepy.

There was more knocking at the door, and all four heads at the Wilson home instinctively turned only to realize it came from Louis’ end of the connection this time.

“How many people did you invite to help you with the delivery, Louis?”

“I didn’t invite anybody,” he answered, befuddled. Making his way around the corner, he stopped in his tracks and exclaimed, “Oh, shit!”

“What the hell is the matter with you, Louis?! You left me waiting at that coffee shop like an idiot for-”

“Shhhhh!” Donna interrupted the rant. Both the redhead and Wendy caught Sapphire’s minor panic attack at the sudden tumult.

“And why is she here?!”

“Wait, aren’t you that admissions lady from Harvard?!” Wendy demanded, cycling through the catalog of faces in her memory.

“Sheila, I’m really sorry. I’ve been up all night and I completely forgot about our date-”

“What?”

“What?!”

“Whaaaaaaat!?”

“Don’t you mean ‘up all night with her’?” the blonde impugned.

“Look, I’m not sleeping with Louis,” Donna declared, throwing up her arms to try to calm the other woman down. “I just came to help with the kitten birthing.”

A mixture of remembrance and embarrassment washed over the woman’s face. She turned and finally saw Sapphire and the kitten in her nest, the former’s tail still bolt upright.

“It’s okay, Sapphy. Sheila’s not going to hurt your baby,” Louis soothed, rushing back to his spot on the floor. “Now why don’t you get back to that yummy placenta?”

“Ick,” Sheila cringed.

“Double ick,” Wendy agreed.

“Maybe I should just go back to Cambridge today,” the blonde posited aloud.

“No, wait! Maybe we can reschedule for later tonight?”

“Why don’t I run out and grab some more coffee…for the three of us?” Donna suggested. “You guys can chat in peace and I’ll be back in time for the next delivery.”

“Phil, Marcus, there are still five more boxes that aren’t going to store themselves,” Yolanda shouted from the stairs on their end.

“Yeah, we should give you two some privacy. Call me back if you need any more advice,” Wendy summed up, disconnecting the two laptops the second she’d finished talking.

“Wait, he’s dating a woman from Harvard’s admissions staff? Isn’t that unethical?” Marcus asked as he stood and handed Franklin over to her.

“Maaaaaaaaybe not, but now I’m going to have to try and get through a week without Jessica forcing the truth from my lips. Franklin, I’m going to need your spiritual support.”

“Meoooow,” Franklin cried fearfully as he bolted back to the discarded box.

It was telling that even without any training, he’d learned to flee at the sound of her boss’ name.

\-----

“For the sake of the stenographer, Miss Anita Viagra…er, can I call you Miss Viagra…or, actually maybe Miss Anita is better?- please spell out the word you overheard Miss Alabastra call my client.”

Mike still couldn’t believe how badly Rachel had fooled him with that innocent act the day before. Harvey was right – he should have expected something like this.

But to this extent?

“It’s spelled ‘R-E-K-T’,” Anita Viagra/Kyle answered diligently from the metal folding chair serving as a witness stand.

“And would you consider that to be deleterious to my client’s reputation?”

And the worst part was that Rachel wasn’t even particularly concerned with testimonies. She’d snatched his engagement ring – “Miss Alabastra isn’t married, Mike, and we need to strive for accuracy” – and had been admiring it on her hand for much of the trial thus far.

“Not particularly.”

“‘Not particularly’? Perhaps I’m not as familiar with the language of drag queens as I thought I was,” the (admittedly un-asshole-y) Columbia first-year excused himself. “I have a variety of videos where that particular word is used with malicious intent.”

“‘Rekt’ isn’t really that bad of an insult, sir. I mean, if she had called her something like ‘busted’ or ‘resting on ugly’ or even that she was ‘serving fish’, that might have been arguable footing for a disparagement claim.”

The one upside was getting to watch Kyle sweat in the cheapest chlorine green blonde wig and the ugliest pair of chunky heels he’d seen since visiting that one drag bar downtown with Trevor. Or maybe it was because he’d had to tuck himself, and not particularly well at that? The magenta dress Rachel had sewn him into didn’t look the least bit comfortable for his big boy parts.

Mike silently vowed to drag out his own testimony a little.

“With all due respect, Miss Anita, you are here as a witness, not a lawyer.”

This dude was being way too nice, but then Mike didn’t really have grounds to stand on when making that judgment, now did he?

He glowered at his former bestie briefly before returning his attention to his fellow associate.

“Now, would you retain that same sanguine outlook regarding the newspaper article Miss Alabastra wrote labeling my client, and I quote, ‘false as hell’?”

“That’s a direct quote from Shakespeare, sir. I bet that _Miss Alabastra_ could quote the whole work to you verbatim, freak that she is.”

“That’s not necessary. How about, ‘reads the same way she diets, i.e. not at all’?”

“Okay, that one is a lie. But if anything, it’s a lie in her favor; I mean, she might not be slender, but your client, er…Natine Mamoot, is actually pretty vicious herself.”

“…Be that as it may, ‘trying to ride that deflated behind from one skeezy old sugar daddy to the next’?”

“She’s called me way worse and I still consider her my friend,” Kyle blocked, looking more than a little disgusted at labeling Mike a friend. “In fact, in that same newspaper she called me a twenty-five cent huss-”

“Objection: irrelevant.”

“Objection: no grounds for objection,” Rachel retorted, springing back from her wedding fantasy. “If you think he’s getting off topic, you just have to tell him to answer the question. You only object if you think a fellow lawyer something improper.”

“Oh, right. Umm, please answer the question I asked you, Miss Anita.”

“Okay, yeah. As far as I know, Natine isn’t escorting.”

“So you admit your friend made a libelous assault on my client.”

“ _The Drag Star_ is known for its embellishment. If your client wants the big payout, she should’ve-”

“Yes or no, Miss Anita.”

“Yes.”

The opposing counsel let out a sigh of relief so obvious it almost made Mike want to walk over and hug the guy. Before he could even return to his metal folding chair, though, Rachel was out of hers.

“Redirect, Your Honor?”

The shaggy art major nodded and made some kind of noise of approval; his mouth was still full of the brownies and cookies they’d used to entice him to act as replacement judge.

“Miss Anita Viagra, would you care to complete your earlier thoughts?”

“Objection: irrelevant,” opposing counsel cried confidently. (Now he had too much ego. Mike was starting to get an appreciation for the difficulties partners had with mentoring associates.) “This case is about what Miss Alabastra said and wrote about my client, not Miss Anita.”

“You introduced the topic of the newspaper into the court record yourself just a moment ago. It’s only fair if I’m allowed to ask about that myself,” Rachel persuaded. “Judge?”

“Mmmwha?”

“Uhh, how do we handle this?” Rachel asked, turning to her opponent.

“I’m not sure.”

“Can we please hurry this up?!” Kyle shouted, squeezing his forehead. “Just have the jury vote on it or something. You’re all law students, right?”

“Hey, that’s actually a pretty decent idea,” the lawyer for the other side praised.

“Stop complimenting me and get this over with! I’m going to die here!”

“Didn’t your hyperbole get you into this whole mess to begin with, Miss ED?” Mike laughed from the defendant’s seat.

“I swear to God, Ross, you have no idea what I’m going to do- OW!”

“Hush up! You’re both making yourselves seem unreliable to the jury,” Rachel scolded from the side of her mouth. “Jurists?”

“Yeah, the subject of questioning is allowed.”

“Miss Anita, continue your testimony.”

“What I was going to say is that newspaper is well known for its embellishment. All the big performers have an article in there every once in a while, and nobody but a raving idiot would assume anything in it is objective fact.”

“And as for what my client called you?”

“She called me a twenty-five cent hussy and a loudmouth,” Kyle recited from the note cards Rachel had them memorize when they arrived. “And I’m sure it must seem that way, since she hasn’t had a single joke worth uttering in five years. Oh, and she said I have a flat ass.”

“And how did those comments make you feel?”

“I didn’t pay them any mind. Well, the ass part I thought about, but only because it pretty much confirms to me that she’s been padding her own sorry posterior,” Kyle laughed. “That’s right, Alabastra. You’re flat as a pancake without those wadded-up tissues.”

“Defense has no further questions for this witness.”

“We-cwoss?” the ‘judge’ asked with another brownie in his mouth. ( _Damn_ , that guy had a bigger appetite than he did.)

“Uhh, no, Your Honor.”

“This jurist requests that the judge not speak with his mouth full,” a female student begged with her eyes covered.

“Dee-naied,” he responded before swigging a solid third of his soda. “Nex’ wibness.”

“The defense calls Miss Alabastra herself to the stand.”

Mike wanted to stroll confidently to the stand, but first he had to help Kyle wobble his way back to the gallery, the lightweight.

“Miss Alabastra, would you describe yourself?”

“I’m the toughest queen in Williamsburg.”

“Is that the truth?”

“Why wouldn’t it be?”

Odd. Rachel was going off script.

“I notice you didn’t refer to your physical appearance at all.”

“What of it?”

“You tell me.”

“I don’t need to rely on my looks to dominate the competition,” Mike answered according to his lines. “In this biz, we call that resting on pretty. And I don’t do it because I don’t care about how people see me.”

“So what would you consider your talent to be?”

“My wit.”

“And how do you use that wit of yours?”

“I tell people the truths they don’t want to hear. When necessary, I put them on blast.”

“Which entails what?”

“Getting an article published in the one newspaper that will be at all the clubs, _The Drag Star_. And that, in turn, gets picked up by every blog in the community.”

“You don’t hold anything back when you write, do you?”

“Objection, leading question.”

“Shush-tained,” the judge ruled through a cupcake. “Dat one was eashy.”

“Rephrase: how would you describe the tone your writing?”

“Bitchy. And proudly so.”

“And how do you react to queens who are kind to you, Miss Alabastra?”

“Which ones?” Mike asked, genuinely confused. Was she ad-libbing now?

“There aren’t any? Not even Anita over there, who came in to testify on your behalf?”

“Oh, no, I mean…I guess she’s a friend.”

“What do you feel emotionally when you’re on stage?”

“I don’t know what you want me to…you never said anything about this when we were prepping.”

“Miss Alabastra, answer the question.”

Was she- ohhhhhhh, so that was her game.

Mike mulled over his options. Obviously he wasn’t going to sabotage Rachel’s case out of revenge – that would only spur further retribution on her part. Still, that didn’t mean he’d have to make it easy for her.

“I don’t feel like it, honey.”

“I repeat my previous question: tell us how you feel emotionally when you’re on stage.”

“And I already told you that I’m not gonna to answer, Miss Nosey,” Mike snipped, channeling his inner diva.

“Your Honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile?”

“You’re not in control of your own client?” the opposing counsel sniffed incredulously. “Maybe you should have picked a better actor.”

“‘Mishun granted, waih’?” the judge asked of the jury.

“Yes, just swallow before you speak!” the head juror reiterated.

“Miss Alabastra, are you happy?”

“I don’t have time for this, little-”

“ _Answer the question_.”

“Yes, I’m completely happy. In fact, I’m stoked. Are _you_ happy now?”

“That’s a lie.”

“Excuse me?!”

“You said you don’t care how people see you, but you’ve been primping yourself this whole time (had he been doing that?), and I’ve never seen someone with so much meticulous make-up on her face.”

“I’m a professional at my craft, bitch! Maybe I need to write an article about you.”

(Okay, now he was just hamming it up for the hell of it. He really hoped his behavior wasn’t tipping off Rachel’s opponent.)

“You said you’re the toughest queen in Williamsburg, and you can’t name a single other drag queen who’s ever been kind to you. And you’re happy in spite of that?”

“Did I stutter?” he smacked back with a completely unintentional head bob.

“You lied is what you did. You’re a miserable, hypocritically superficial has-been, and the people around you, who you don’t consider to be your friends, don’t have the heart to tell you.”

“Take that back!”

“Name five queens in the Williamsburg circuit.”

“What?”

“You said you dominate the scene there. Surely you know who five of your underlings are, correct?”

“I don’t have time for them, that’s all.”

“Another lie, but maybe I can make you tell the truth. Your Honor, I’d like to present Defense Evidence pieces #8 and #9. They’re photographs taken the night Miss Natine Mamoot performed at the _Dry Heave_.”

“Ob-jekshun?”

“No, Your Honor.”

“Ebidensh akshepted,” the judge announced before draining a water bottle of half its contents.

“Miss Alabastra, is this the performer you saw that night? The one who made you write that article?” Rachel asked, showing him the pictures.

“Yes.”

“And for the record, who is she?”

He had to admit, she’d worked this over well. Even if he hadn’t caught on, with the emotional battering she was giving him he probably still would have given her the ammunition she needed.

“That queen over there, Natine. You said so yourself.”

The opposing lawyer shook his head like a wet dog at that line.

“And, again for the record, how did you recognize her?”

“Well, first of all, she’s still trying to pull off those damn comma heels. Like, it’s not 1993 anymore, sister, get with the program.”

“And what else?”

“Objection!” the other lawyer cried, having finally pieced together Rachel’s strategy.

“Yesh?”

“Oh, well…umm, it’s irrevelant! You’ve already established the identity of the subject of that photo.”

“Please permit to ask one more question about the photo to cement its importance, Your Honor.”

“‘Jekshun obawulled. I’ll allow i’, bu’dish bettah ‘ave a poin’,” the judge warned.

“What other trait tells you that this is Miss Natine Mamoot?”

“The color of her dress looks like something she’d schlep on at the last minute. Puke yellow is her shade.”

“Objection!”

“Overruled,” the judge groaned, having finally emptied his mouth.

“Miss Alabastra, I’m afraid you’re confused. You see, the subject of these photos is not Natine Mamoot. Her real identity is inconsequential beyond the fact that she’s an entirely different drag queen.”

“No, that’s Natine! You said so-”

“Miss Alabastra, I merely said these photos were taken on the night she performed,” Rachel bogarted the moment. “Give it up. You’re a compulsive liar. And when you don’t lie, you make false assumptions based on your limited knowledge. Isn’t that correct?”

“No, it’s-”

“What’s more, you’re so deluded you believe your own lies, don’t you?”

“You can’t-”

“ _Don’t you_?”

“Why would _The Drag Star_ publish my article if it was false?”

“Because everyone loves a joke, which you are. The other girls don’t fear you. They pity you, isn’t that right? Tell us, when was the last time you were the main act?”

“N-no, that’s-”

“Four. Years. Ago. Isn’t that correct?”

“I’m the best in Williamsburg!”

“Objection! She’s not even letting her own client speak!”

“She doesn’t need to speak. She’s been entirely unreliable ever since she got up on the stand, and she can’t even recognize her alleged victim from an entirely different performer. Your Honor, I move that Miss Alabastra’s entire testimony be stricken from the record – it’s just as pathetic as she is.”

“You can’t impeach your own client!?” the other lawyer gasped, turning between Rachel and the judge.

“Jury?”

Rachel was sweating bullets. If their performance didn’t sway her six fellow law students, they’d be open to a counterattack when opposing counsel got the chance to cross-examine the bitchy queen.

“We agree that the court should disregard Miss Alabastra’s testimony.”

“So ruled. Miss Alabastra, you may leave the witness stand. I hope you learn to be more honest in the future.”

“Since my client was unable to distinguish between the aggrieved party and an entirely different woman, there are no grounds for establishing malice in this case. Therefore, the defense moves that the allegations of libel and slander be dropped.”

“No way!”

“The court will recess for fifteen minutes so that the jury may consider the defense’s argument.”

The still queasy head jurist and the philosophy major playing Natine led the way out of the room, followed by everyone but the Pearson employees.

“Awesome job, guys! It’s up to the jury now, but I think I’ve got this one in the bag either way!”

“I don’t give a damn about this stupid mock mock trial! Where did you put my clothes?!” Kyle pleaded, clutching his hips.

“You’re not allowed to get out of costume until the judge issues his ruling.”

“My balls are going to fall off, woman!”

At that, Mike bellowed with laughter so hard his own ridiculous orange wig fell off his head. He couldn’t deny that seeing Kyle like this made (almost) everything okay.

“Shut up, Ross! You just let Rachel impeach you, for fuck’s sake. And the only reason you’re so calm is because you never had anything down there to tuck or whatever to begin with!”

“You have no idea, Kyle. You have no idea.”

“I told you that Mike knew his way around this stuff, but no, you just had to be a brat and refuse to let him teach you,” Rachel judged, shaking her head.

“No way. There’s no way I’m letting a guy show me how to tape up my junk. And don’t even try to call that homophobic because any other normal person like me wouldn’t consent to it, either.”

“I wish you wouldn’t complain so loudly about all of this. The mock trial club worked really hard on your dresses and accessories, and you’re even getting free snacks out of it.”

“I work at Pearson law firm – I can afford to buy Oreos if I damn well please,” Kyle grumbled, clutching the back of a chair for support. “Now I’m going to ask you one more time: _where are my clothes_!?”

“And I’m going to repeat myself one more time: you’ll get your clothes back when the judge has given his ruling and we’ve unstitched the back of your dress.”

“DAMNIT, I’M IN AGONY HERE.”

“Y’know, I’m pretty upset with you right now, too.”

“You’re upset after seeing that?” Rachel asked incredulously as Kyle rushed out of the room, clinging to the walls like a toddler.

“You misled me. I thought you desperately needed my help because you were worried about not winning this and psyching yourself out.”

“I did need your help. Nobody would have caught on to my plan and played it as well as you did.”

“That’s a lie. You just wanted revenge for what happened at my mock trial.”

“Mayyyyyybe,” she smirked. “But you can’t prove it.”

“This fake idiot routine is real cute, Rachel, but you owe me big time.”

“No way. You owe me for those stupid _Star Trek_ quotes that went over my head, and a million other things, too!”

“What moon logic did you use to come up with that result? I’ve bought lunch for you and Donna twice a week for the past month before my vacation. Plus, I helped you get through that discovery work for Wills & Trusts. And then there’s-”

“Okay, okay. What do I have to do to make us even?”

“For one thing, let me know when you’re going to have me attend court in drag. I would’ve plucked my eyebrows a little.”

Rachel quirked one of her own eyebrows at that.

“Okay, so I wouldn’t have done that. But I would’ve told your costume designers that drag queens are campy, not colorblind. Orange hair on a green dress?- what am I supposed to be, an upside-down carrot?”

“I’m going to tell Beth that you said that.”

“Good. And you’re second chairing my pro bono case.”

“What?! Mike, I have no time for anything!”

“You have time for lunch on my dime.”

“I have class every morning, plus study sessions and mock trial club. That’s on top of all the paralegal work I’m still doing at the office!”

“So you’ll come to court in the afternoon. It shouldn’t take that many days, and you can tell your professors to give you extra credit for hands-on experience. Didn’t we hire Eunji expressly to alleviate your workload?”

“And that reminds me: I still have to train her about all of the firm’s idiosyncrasies, too.”

“Listen to me, Rachel,” Mike commanded, poking her in the shoulder. “You do not want to be on the bad side of Alabastra.”

“Mike, I’ve seen more convincing drag queen personas at my cousin’s son’s second grade dance recital.”

“And I want my ring back.”

“Psh, it doesn’t even have a diamond. Who wants a lame ring like this?” she mocked, backing toward the door slowly.

“Rachel, gimme my ring.”

“You can have it back if you can catch me before the recess is up!” the paralegal hollered, sprinting out into the hallway in her pumps.

If it was a race in heels Rachel wanted, she was going to get it. Mike hadn’t practiced all those hours for Alabastra’s debut performance on stage years ago for nothing.

\-----

“You still haven’t explained what I’m doing _here_ , Donna,” Harvey repeated as he walked toward the front door of Louis’ townhouse.

“I was just worried that you’d be cooped up in your condo all weekend if I hadn’t happened to invite you out for a bit.”

“That’s bullshit and you know it,” he parried, grimacing at how distinctly Louis-ish the place was from the outside. It seemed like he was going for rustic but got neurotic along the way, leading to perfectly straight columns of ivy and smashed stepping tile pieces that had been re-arranged as…square stepping tiles. “Mike left for Rachel’s mock trial a while ago.”

“You might want to straighten up a little there.”

Harvey furrowed his brow quizzically at his smirking assistant.

“Not you, idiot. I meant your walk – the one you get when you’ve been on the receiving end of Mike’s affection, so to speak.”

“Stop sexually harassing me!” Harvey groaned, stiffening his gait despite the aching soreness of his butt. “I came here because you promised to show me that oh-so-great restaurant, and I’m going to leave unless you stop Donnalyzing me.”

“I figured having Mike back would make you a little less peevish, but I guess I was wrong,” Donna rolled her eyes. “Anyway, I don’t intend to stick around here that much longer. I just want to make sure that all the kittens are getting cared for, but it’s been a little awkward.”

“Awkward, how?”

“Louis is dating the head admissions director of Harvard…who also happens to archive all the student records. She left about a half an hour ago,” Donna confided. “Don’t get me wrong, she’s really nice. But…”

“You’re worried that he might mention Mike to her?” he predicted from the concern on her face.

“I don’t know all the precautions Jessica took. Terrible as it sounds, we might need to break them up.”

“We’ll have to table this discussion; I see the majordomo approaching.”

“Hey, Harvey!” Louis greeted enthusiastically, holding the door open. “I’m so glad you could finally make it over. I can’t even remember how many times there have been where you’ve lost the email I sent with my address and missed my party.”

On top of everything else, Harvey would now need to find another excuse to avoid attending any of Louis’ ‘parties’.

Just great.

“Lovely home, Louis. It’s very you.”

“You think so?” the junior partner pressed, a giddy, toothy smile on his face.

Donna elbowed him in his side to prevent him from lobbing the insult they both knew was coming.

“She did it!” Louis continued, unaware. “The last umbilical cord has been chewed apart, and they’re breathing normally! All we need to do now is make sure she doesn’t start bleeding and the kittens all start nursing.”

“C’mon, I’ll show you my kitty,” Donna encouraged as she followed Louis around the corner. “She’s baby number three, and the only one I can tell is a girl.”

“I still don’t think you can determine the sex this early.”

“Are you doubting my abilities, Louis?”

“What?! No, no…I’m not-”

“Good. Anyway, am I super lucky that she popped out or what?”

“Not terribly. I mean, you had a fifty-fifty shot with four chances; if anything, you were unlucky,” Harvey considered. “And what do you want with a cat anyway? Won’t it just claw up your clothes?”

“Nope. I can tell Minerva is going to be one smart, well-behaved cat.”

“Minerva?”

“A feline goddess of wisdom is the perfect pet for a goddess of wisdom herself, wouldn’t you say?” Donna argued proudly as she crouched down a respectful distance from the nest. “Try having a peek with me.”

“I will do no such-”

“Oh, quit being a spoilsport, Harvey.”

“Fine,” Harvey acquiesced grudgingly. He took a great deal of care not to show just how sore he was as he eased himself onto his rear, but Donna shot him a sideways glance regardless.

“There she is,” Donna murmured, pointing to one of the newborns. “Look at that cute little patch of orange on her left paw. She’s only mewed a couple times, but she’s adorable when she’s fidgety.”

“Adorable? Their eyes aren’t even open yet and they could pass as rats to anyone not paying attention.”

“Harvey, that-“

Donna quit talking when one of the other kittens started making noise. She looked over to Louis who returned her glance with the same stunned gape.

“Say something else!” she whispered fervently.

“What, like how bad it smells in here?”

“Me…meeew.”

“You have to adopt that kitten!” Donna interjected once said Precambrian-esque life form had quieted down.

“You know I don’t do pets,” Harvey stated, earning another round of noise from the baby.

“You’re the only one who’s gotten baby number four to talk. That must mean it likes you…though I can’t imagine why.”

“Donna, those kittens have worse hearing than bats right now. It must have just been a fluke. Besides, Harvey is completely unfit to be a parent for any one of these little guys.”

“A parent? Louis, you must be on at least step five of becoming a crazy cat lady,” he sniped, hoping that the little guy in the other room wouldn’t respond to his voice this time.

He hoped in vain.

“Don't stand in the way of fate,” Donna hissed. “That kitten has found his human soulmate and you two need to accept it.”

“I need to get out of this house before the lack of fresh air gives me the same fever dreams you two are wallowing in,” Harvey huffed. He didn’t even bother to mask his pain as he rose to his feet – he just wanted out.

“Meoooow.”

“Think about it, Harvey: that cat would be the perfect companion for you and Mike. He’s got his mother’s intelligence and good sense, not to mention a nearly pristine Russian Blue coat. And winter is just around the corner. Nothing will keep you warm during the cold months quite like a happy lap cat, or so I’ve heard. Besides, your condo is still pretty sterile…”

“It’s sterile because I value cleanliness!”

“Just like a cat,” Donna insisted, nodding toward the mother.

Harvey did have to admit that she looked fairly good despite the day’s activities. It couldn’t have been easy, either, judging by the way her eyes were drooped and her general sluggishness.

Still, he’d had a No Pets rule since becoming a bachelor, and Franklin Exemption 1-A notwithstanding, he wasn’t about to turn his home over to some unknown hell raiser.

“All cats do is hiss and piss. And claw things.”

“Franklin doesn’t.”

“He’s…different. He likes Yankees games – what other cat can put that on its résumé?”

“The fact that you think cats have résumés only serves to prove my point.”

“They’re still my kittens, and I’m not giving one to Harvey,” Louis swore from his chair. “I agreed to let him in here because you asked me, but there’s no way in hell I’m abandoning one of these babies to him.”

The kitten in question mewed louder this time, diverting the attention of Harvey and the two cat-crazed nut jobs. The fuzzy little thing started bonking itself against his mother’s hind legs, which in turn caused her to tap him lazily with her paw.

“What’s going on with it?” Louis asked nervously.

“Give me a sec,” Donna requested as she snuck closer. “Louis, you’re sure the vet said four kittens, right?”

“Why? Is there another one in there?”

“Just answer my-”

“I didn’t have her do an ultrasound. She just felt around with her hands.”

“Well, I think baby number four is cluing us in to his missing sibling, because Sapphire’s rear is still dilated and there’s something there.”

“Are you sure? She hasn’t been mewing on her own like the other times,” Louis commented as he approached the nest. “I’m sure it’s just a bit of leftover lining or something. It’ll fall out when she starts moving around again.”

The kitten continued to whine and nudge his mother as best he could.

“Hey, stop that. She needs to get her strength back,” Louis scolded the thing pointlessly.

“Louis, what are you doing? You already said that it’s deaf.”

At the moment Harvey spoke up, the kitten whined louder still. A tail from his mother didn’t quiet him down, either. She adjusted as if to get a better angle of attack, but hissed when she tried to stand.

“Yeah, that’s definitely another baby,” Donna observed, the worry in her voice audible to Harvey. “Where’s my sheet? How long has it been since the last birth?”

“I’ll get it,” Louis volunteered, scooting back to the other room. “Did you leave it on the count…no, wait, wasn’t it over he- got it! The last one was at 12:13. What time is it now?”

“1:41.”

Harvey wasn’t sure what was going on, but from the tone of Donna’s voice it didn’t sound good.

“Louis, you’re the only one she’ll let approach close enough to check. I need you to get in there and see if that last kitten is making any progress.”

“But-”

“Hurry up and do it! I’ll pull up the emergency page on your computer.”

“Emergency?!” Louis panicked. “Sapphire’s going to be okay, right?”

“Louis, I need you to be a big boy and-”

“That cat’s not going anywhere. I’ll check,” Harvey offered, thanking the higher power he’d chosen to wear the cheap pair of jeans Mike had picked out for him.

“But, she’s not-”

“What am I looking for? How fast should it be moving?”

“The other ones were pretty quick. Maybe five good heaves once the head or the tail became visible.”

“You didn’t answer my question,” Louis prodded.

“Not now, Louis. Harvey?”

“I can see the head, but it doesn’t seem like she’s pushing.”

“Louis, how does she look?”

“Her eyes are still drooping.”

“Okay, your job is to make sure she doesn’t lapse out from fatigue,” Donna instructed from the table. “But it sounds like our mystery kitten’s big brothers and sister are going to help you with that.”

Harvey looked over at the loudmouth fourth kitten, which was now knocking its head against Donna’s future pet. Like dominos, each baby in succession triggered annoyed cries from the next.

“Is there a lot of blood back there, Harvey? Like more than usual?”

“I don’t know how much blood is normal. I don’t see a big pool of it anywhere.”

“And progress?”

“Nada.”

“Alright, I’m starting a timer. If it’s not out in eight minutes we’ll have to act.”

“Act? What are you going to do?” Louis fretted while waving his hand in front of the mother’s face.

“I can’t do anything with these long nails. If she doesn’t pass that kitten herself, one of you will need to help it out of there.”

“There might not be enough of it free to help right now,” Harvey informed.

“I should call the vet!” Louis blurted, making to get up.

“Already on it. But we won’t be able to get her here in time, so we’ll have to be the ones to intervene if something goes wrong.”

“B-but, we’re not profess-”

“Alright, what do I need to do to get ready?” Harvey asked, fully aware Louis was too freaked out to be of any use with delivery.

“Come in here and wash your hands as best you can with the soap in the box and glove up.”

“Got it.”

“Sapphire, please don’t die,” Louis sobbed, still waving his hands about like a mad man.

“Louis, get a grip. Everything is going to be fine.”

“You don’t know that, Donna!”

“Did you just accuse me of not knowing something?”

“You can’t possibly-”

“Shut up, Louis. We’re going to _make sure_ that everything and everyone will be fine,” Harvey cut in as he scrubbed up. “There’s no way I’m giving you grounds to file a lawsuit against me.”

“Am I that predictable?” the junior partner asked, chuckling as he wiped his eyes.

“Harvey, don’t answer that. Louis, good work keeping her occupied,” Donna ordered, typing something with Louis’ cell phone cradled by her ear. “Okay, once you’ve gloved up you should take another look for progress.”

“Hang on a sec.”

“Louis, how’s she looking up front?”

“Irritated.”

“But not sleepy?”

“With these four babies crying as loud as they are? Not a chance.”

“Harvey?”

“Still no progress, but I think I can help it out of there.”

“Okay, okay. She says to give it a little bit more time, but the longer we wait the faster we’ll have to move once we get it out.”

“C’mon, Sapphy, help us out here,” Louis pleaded.

With nothing to do but wait, Harvey glanced down at the kitten that had started all of this. It was still going nuts, mewing about as loudly as it could probably manage with its underdeveloped body.

It sure picked one hell of a lucky time to get colicky.

“Anything?”

“No.”

“Alright, executive decision: let’s do this. Louis, grab the KY from me here and squeeze some out on Harvey’s finger.”

“What?!”

“No questions! C’mon!”

This was a whole new low. Louis Litt was squeezing lube onto Harvey’s hands…oh God, he’d need brain bleach.

“Sorry girl, I’m usually more of a gentleman when I’m with a lady,” Harvey cooed as he moved to dab it on her.

“Louis, Sapphire’s not going to like being touched back there, so you need to keep her from biting Harvey. If necessary, you might need to take her teeth.”

“You didn’t say anything about biting-”

“Harvey, you’re supposed to be the bigger man here. Get to work.”

Harvey exchanged a glance with his fellow lawyer and set out to work. Sure enough, the cat started hissing the moment his gloved hands made contact with her.

“Now here’s the important part: don’t pull on the kitten. The vet says all you should have to do is turn it a bit until whatever’s keeping it stuck isn’t in the way.”

“Easy for you to say.”

“Keep me updated. How’s it going?”

“I’m trying to not squeeze it. How much pressure should I be using?”

“Hell if I know. But she says the kitten is still pretty squishy at this stage and has a lot of give. The most important thing is to get it out before it suffocates.”

“Suffocates?!”

“Focus on your own job, Louis!”

“We have movement!” Harvey informed excitedly as he rotated it a bit more.

“Is it getting out of there?”

“Making progress.”

“How far?”

“I think I see…yes, the front legs are out. It looks like the placenta was caught, but the baby’s getting out.”

Harvey continued to guide it, turning it slightly when the hind legs neared the exit. It stopped for a bit, but after a push from its mother it started moving again.

“Hind legs are out! I can just see the tail!”

“Louis?”

“I’m fine!”

“Baby’s almost…it’s free! What now?”

“Did the placenta get out okay? Is she cleaning the baby?”

“Yes to the first question. But no, she doesn’t seem interested.”

“Rub it against her so it gets her scent. See if that works.”

“She’s not interested!” Louis called out, the note of panic returning.

“There should be a clean cloth nearby. The first priority is to break the amnion around its face so it can breathe.”

Harvey could feel Louis’ eyes on him as he dabbed at the muck. In that moment, though, the senior partner was just as frantic as his colleague, especially when they heard those first gurgling sounds.

“It can’t breathe!” the junior partner cried.

“Did you break the-”

“Yes, but it sounds like it’s in the airway!”

“Harvey, put it in your palms with the head out and…kinda swing it downward gently. She says that’ll make the fluid come out. Just don’t rip the umbilical cord.”

“I hope this is what you mean,” he replied, doing his best to follow her instructions.

“Louis, is Sapphire paying any attention-”

“She’s starting to.”

“Good. Keep the baby near her nose. Harvey?”

“That crap is coming out. How does its crying sound to you, Louis?”

“I can hear it a lot better. I think…I think it’s going to make it,” the man appraised, growing more excited with each word. “It’s going to make it!”

“Don’t jinx us,” Harvey scolded, continuing to wipe the junk from the baby’s mouth. “Alright, we have licking.”

“Licking is achieved!” Donna reported into the phone.

After one final check, Harvey set the kitten down and left its mother to take care of the rest. Now that she was done pushing it out, Sapphire laid back down and gave the four other newborns a chance to start nursing again.

“Thank you, RaMBaM,” Louis sighed, leaning back against the wall.

“Uh, Louis, you might want to do something about all that blood,” Harvey informed. Judging from how much of it was welling up, Sapphire must have chomped down on his hand fairly hard.

“What?- holy crap! How did I not notice that?”

“I guess it was the adrenaline rush of being a surprise obstetrician,” Donna remarked as she walked towards them. “Go clean that up before you give the babies an illness. The vet says she’s on her way in spite of it being her day off, and she’ll check to make sure there aren’t any other kittens and that we didn’t screw Sapphire or the baby up for life.”

“That’s one hell of a vote of confidence,” Harvey sniffed, peeling off the gloves.

“Oh, I’m sorry. Where do you keep your veterinary degree again?”

“Shut up.”

“It’s so tiny, even compared to the other ones,” Donna whispered when Louis left for the bathroom. “I really hope that runt makes it.”

“It’d better after all we’ve done for it.”

“I know. Just think about what it can already put on its cat résumé – saved by THE Harvey Specter, esquire,” Donna joked, earning herself a glare. “Then again, we wouldn’t have known to do anything if baby four hadn’t alerted us.”

Sapphire had moved the runt next to the previously noisy kitten and the two were cuddling against one another. Harvey wasn’t about to say it, but the pair was kinda cute.

“Let’s never go through anything like that again,” he huffed.

“I see that smile. Are you completely sure you don’t want a kitty?”

“Mark my words, Donna: I will _never_ own a cat.”

\-----

“Have I freed myself from cakeface status?” Mike asked as he returned from the bathroom.

“I think I still see a little bit around your eyes,” Rachel answered as she stacked another chair on the cart by the door. “But who cares? I won!”

“Yeah, at the expense of your own client’s reputation. It was nice of you to be humble while your competitor was still around, though.”

“Ah, he’ll be fine. We promised that the winner would help prep the loser for the real deal.”

A group of female law students wandered over to the paralegal to congratulate her, so Mike slipped over to the snack table before that art student got back with his roommates and vacuumed up all the leftovers.

“Ross, can we chat for a moment?”

“Wacha wann?” Mike asked as he chewed on a brownie.

“Jesus. Can’t anyone learn to swallow first?” Kyle upbraided, looking away toward the window.

Mike stared at him as he popped some M&Ms in there for good measure.

“Look, can we agree never to mention this day to anyone else going forward?”

“Why? I don’t have anything to be ashamed of,” he replied after swallowing hard, searching about for something to wash it down. “And I think you looked _fabulous_.”

“Ugh, you’re such a dweeb. God, why can’t I work at one of the cool law firms instead of the one filled with losers like you.”

“I am not a loser.”

“I kicked your ass in _our_ mock trial.”

“Exactly. A mock trial, which means what again?- oh, that’s right, it means it doesn’t matter because it’s a simulation.”

“Dream up whatever excuses you want, Ross. All I know is that Klein over in M&A thinks of me as his protégé and come the autumn party I’ll be on the fast track to partner,” the dark-haired associate bragged. “Whatever, I’ve got a date. With a banging hot woman. _Who’s my age_. Suck on that, Ross.”

“You’re reading at a third grade level, Anita Viagra,” Mike flung back as he reached for the orange soda.

“Mike, what are you doing drinking that crap? Leave it for the starving artists. C’mon, I just got a text from Donna that she and your fiancé are waiting outside for us,” she informed, starting for the hallway.

“Whuh? Why did they come up here?”

“Donna and I are going out to celebrate my win and then we’re going to drunk paint her living room. You’re welcome to join us if you want.”

“I think I’ve had enough of being used as a pawn for one day,” he griped, hurrying to slip into the elevator beside her.

“Pretty please?” Rachel begged, fluttering her eyelashes.

“Not unless you want Harvey to be pissed at you. He already had to deal with you stealing me away for most of my first Saturday back.”

“What if I promise to help you with your pro bono case?”

“You’re already doing that. And I know full well if I’m there that I’ll be the one doing all the painting, as well as slipping down to the bodega by her apartment for more booze.”

“Damn. Donna and I will need to find a new manservant.”

“You could try that new guy in the mail room.”

“Mail cart guys never last long enough,” Rachel explained, as though she’d tried that avenue several times previously. “Maybe Louis will bring on a guy when he’s made senior partner.”

“You think Jessica’s going to make him senior partner even when most of the other big wigs can’t stand him?”

“That’s the office rumor that started when you were out. I don’t think Harvey’s in favor of it, though – they’ve had a bunch of arguments in his office recently.”

“Eh, that’s just how Harvey is. And when are you going to make partner?” Mike joked as they stepped out of the life. When he turned to see his companion’s reaction he realized he’d made a huge mistake.

“Mike, don’t. I’m not sure Jessica will even keep me on as an associate now that I’m attending Columbia. She takes that Harvard rule pretty seriously.”

“Wait, are you saying you’ll move to another firm once you graduate?”

“I don’t want to think about that right now. Can I just celebrate my win? Please?” Rachel pleaded quietly.

“Okay. Sorry to bring it up.”

“No worries. You’re sure you don’t want to come out drinking with us?”

“Hey, I got engaged last night-”

“And I wasn’t there, jerk!”

“I promise there’ll be a spot for you at the wedding.”

“I’d better be one of your bridesmaids – and I’d better get a good dress, too!”

“Oh, I’ve got the perfect idea for a dress. Speaking of which, what’s Beth’s number? Y’know, so I can have her whip you up an inside-out watermelon costume.”

Rachel made an obvious attempt to trip him as they stepped out the front door of the legal building. He hoped she was goofing.

“There’s our kickass law student!” Donna cheered, rushing over with a balloon that read ‘I OBJECT EN POINTE’. “Ready to get sloshed?”

“Absolutely,” Rachel answered, tying the string around her watchband.

“Hey, why don’t I get a balloon, too? My testimony saved her case from a potentially mortal blow.”

“Only winners get balloons, Mike,” Harvey jeered from a nearby bench. “And as far as I’m aware, your record in kiddy court is still 0-1.”

“At least I was helpful today. What did you do?”

“Oh, nothing. I just saved a newborn kitten’s life. You know, the usual.”

“Does not compute,” Mike evaluated in his best robot voice. “What’s he talking about, Donna?”

“He actually did save one of Louis’ kitten’s lives today. He’s been bragging about that non-stop to anyone who’ll listen,” Donna informed, reaching into her purse.

“Wait, Louis’ cat had her babies today?!” Mike demanded. “And I missed getting to see the kittens?”

“We’re not getting a cat, Mike.”

“I just wanted to see them,” he moped.

“Relax, kiddo. I’ve got a few pictures here on my phone for you two. Now the first one here is my kitty – you can tell because of the orange patch on her-”

“She’s been showing those photos non-stop to anyone unfortunate enough to stand near her for five seconds,” Harvey griped.

“Shush, you. Now he’s the second one born. Would you take a look at that rust-colored fur he’s got going on?”

“So cute!” Rachel cheered, blocking out the sunlight with her hand.

“Now contain yourselves, because the youngest two are totally best friends. That’s the one that started crying because his little sibling wasn’t out of mommy yet, and that’s the little kitty Harvey had to help out.”

“What a cutie,” Mike cried as he leaned in closer to the screen.

“Not. Getting. A cat,” Harvey reiterated grumpily as he started back toward the main entrance to the university.

“Don't worry, Mike,” Donna whispered cautiously as Rachel stepped into the shade to get a better look at the photos. “This is only the first phase of the plan. I’m sure we’ll win him over eventually.”

“He seems pretty adamant about it, though.”

“That’s just a sign that his emotional walls are crumbling. The louder he protests, the weaker his resolve is getting.”

“Do you think we’ll have won him over before Louis finds other homes for all of them?”

“I-”

“Donna, you’re getting a call,” Rachel interrupted, rushing to return it to her.

“Just a minute,” the assistant assured, holding up a finger. “Yes, it’s me. Hey, Bertha! What’s going…yeah…yeah…he what?! No, but I thought…wasn’t he…shit…do they have any idea about if he’ll…I see…”

Mike exchanged a quizzical glance with Rachel. Whatever the woman on the other end was saying, it must have been pretty shocking – Donna didn’t usually lose her cool like this.

“No, of course. Neither of us will spill the beans about this…you know you can trust us, or else you wouldn’t have called. Right. Right. Okay, thanks for giving us the heads up, Bertha,” Donna concluded, stowing her phone. “Harvey, I need to tell you something.”

“What is it?”

“Uhh, sorry guys. Can you two give us a moment?” the redhead asked, heading with her boss to the other side of the lawn.

“Was that the Bertha from the DA’s office?”

“The one who always appears in Donna’s stories about her time before Pearson Hardman? Probably. How many other Berthas are there in the city?” Rachel answered.

“You think it’s something major?”

“WHAT?!” Harvey shouted loud enough for everyone in Morningside Heights to hear him.

“…I think that answers your question, Mike.”

The two continued chatting for a couple more minutes, pacing back and forth along the concrete walkway. When they returned, though, they were both back to their earlier cheery selves.

So it was going to be one of those topics, huh? Mike knew he wasn’t going to get anything out of the older man, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to try.

“Everything okay?”

“Everything is fine,” Donna confirmed with a suspiciously fake smile. “C’mon, Rachel. I think if we hurry we might still catch some of the hot bartenders walking in before they have to go on shift.”

“Sounds like a plan.”

“And I hear there’s a new toy store around here, if you catch my drift,” Harvey smirked, tossing his arm around Mike’s back as the women went ahead. “If we hurry, we might have time to get back home and try some out before going dancing.”

“Ha ha, Harvey. Hey, about what you and Donna were talking about-”

“It’s just some work thing, Mike. Let’s not let it waste any of our time together.”

Yup. He was definitely hiding something.

“Hold up. Mike, why are you wearing eye liner?”

Crap. Well, if Harvey got a pass, didn’t he deserve one in return?

“…No reason.”

“Uh-huh…Rachel, would you care to tell us more about your trial?”

Damnit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quite tired when posting this, so there may be a ton of errors. I'll try to catch them when my brain isn't dead.
> 
> Plus side: it's extra long! And I learned a ton about cat birth...wooh!


End file.
